Read about The Theory of Interest first, if you've come here because of women. Otherwise, check the table of contents. Despite model scenarios, you can lose some illusions here.

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When She Ain’t After a Relationship  

Posted by SomeoneCZ in ,


Until some time ago, I had no relationship, never kissed a girl and the same went for the sex. Recently, I met a girl. We had two dates. After the first one, I fell in love with her – at least, I think so. We held by hands for a while, when I accompanied her home. We did not kiss on any date. I don’t know, I have not noticed any sign. Therefore I ask, was it a mistake? Should I try to kiss her on a next date? I thought about asking her, if I can – I don’t know, perhaps I saw it, or read, somewhere.

How should I look on the fact that she asked me on my previous relationships on the third date? I told her the truth. She admitted one longer relationship, followed by a confession she is not looking for a long-term relationship right now, that we should rather be friends. Anyway, she asked for a next date.

Thanks for your input,
Anthony, who does not want to loose her

Hi Anthony,

It is a usual that you’re so excited from the first dates. Especially, as you are satisfied with the progress. Nevertheless, there’s a lack of perspective of yours. Two dates are too short to talk about a relationship. You don’t have enough information yet. Look, you can be in love so soon, but it is no reason to let your emotions to take the control. The emotions are widely responsible for decisions, which cost you Miss Right.

The first kiss is an effective tool to check out your physical attractiveness for her. If there is none, she cannot have a high interest level in you. It is better to find out sooner, rather than to make a bitter discovery later, when you care for her much more. Using the body language, it is possible to guess the outcome – if she’ll flinch, or not. But you have to understand the body language. Therefore, always try to kiss her – she won’t shoot you for this. Only, when her interest level is high, don’t kiss her on the first date and let her “to die with a desire for your kiss”. In your case, it has a time. For now remember this, never ask for permission – show her the self-confidence.

When you hesitate to kiss her for too long, she can easily interpret this as a low interest level and drop you. Holding by hands was a signal she likes you physically, but the kiss was missing.

When she asked about your previous relationships, she gave you a personal question. The personal question might indicate high interest level. Might, not do. She was testing, or looking for an excuse to wrap the “low-level sentence”. I don’t know, which variant it was, but for sure she did not had the high interest level after your answer. She would not reject the long-term relationship idea otherwise. The higher the interest level goes, the more she wants to be with you. She did exactly the opposite thing – turned you into a friend.

I don’t tell you to lie about your previous relationships, nor I say to tell her any details. Rather stick with general facts, such as you’re with her now and you have no desire to live in the past. She really does not want to listen about your drawbacks – she wants a positive man. So, be such one and you’ll last longer.

It is sad, she proposed another date right away. That’s what we call the false illusion. When she said “I don’t want a long-term relationship now”, she “forget” to add “with you”. In that case, she would be right. If she’s OK for you as a friend, go for it. However, if she is Miss right, it won’t grow into a long-term relationship. And other than Right is not worth it. Rather try to look after some other girls. That’s the best thing you can do for yourself at the moment.

Once you hear the friend word, you are out of the game.


This entry was posted on Thursday, November 8, 2007 at 5:54 PM and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

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