Read about The Theory of Interest first, if you've come here because of women. Otherwise, check the table of contents. Despite model scenarios, you can lose some illusions here.

Pokud jste tu kvůli ženám, přečtěte si, o čem Teorie zájmu vlastně je. Jinak zkuste rovnou obsah. Ač uvedené jsou modelové situace, nedivte se, když tu přijdete o iluze.

Body Language  

Posted by SomeoneCZ in

Some Like It HotOnce upon a time, they discovered the body language [40, 41, 42, 43] that comprises of negative and positive signals. It did not take long and some have drawn a conclusion – the more positive signals you see, the more interested she is. But, what does it mean to be interested? Let us follow the definition introduced by The System [2] and followed by The Theory of Interest – it is a degree, how much she wants to stay with you. You can see a lot of positive signals and she can have a high interest level. However, she can reject you as well, although she is single at the time.

The observed signals tell, how much she feels comfortable with you. The less comfortable she feels, the more her interest level drops. The more comfortable she is, the more her interest level can rise. And because she must find you physically attractive, for the high interest level to exist (required, but not sufficient condition), the higher interest level is, the more positive signals you’ll see. However, you can receive some positive signals by women, which have low interest level. Her real personal interest level has to be judged by her actions towards you. For instance, did she give you her phone number without a hesitation?

Consider 17% as a number of women of all women you met, and which you tried to seduce as they flirted with you, i.e. you saw positive signals, and the success ratio was 60%. If you asked for the phone number regardless of flirting, the success ratio was 33%. Thus, if you’d ask only those, who flirt with you, you need 10 women like them to get just one number (0.17*0.60). If you’d ask them all, then you would have three numbers. However, some women cannot say no to your face and therefore they give you the phone number anyway. And it is also true that woman can flirt without being serious/having high interest level. Thus, if one of those 10 women would have high interest level, it might not be necessarily the one, who flirted.

As you approach her, it might happen sometimes that her interest level will be too high, so “she won’t wreck it” and you’ll see no positive signals. Or, her flirting would be of so low intensity that you won’t notice any positive signal [2]. As you don’t see positive signals, it does not mean that you have no chance. All you have to do is to ask for her phone number. She won’t shoot you for this. Well, if she’s sane;-)

Your goal is to raise her interest level and you can do that only if she feels comfortable with you. Frequency and type of observed signals is a feedback on how well you are doing. Her behavior reveals if it is OK, or if you should change the method you’re trying.

On a successful date, there must be positive signals. The more is the better. Your goal is an interest level that is higher after the date, than it was before the date. On the first date, you want at least one purposeful touch from her – try to kiss her at the end; not flinching away counts.

Just for completeness, the best way to observe the signals is to sit at opposite sides of table. Moreover, if she would like to touch you, she has to shove on and this raises her interest level. As you’ll see in the following text, there are other reasons for this as well.

And now, let us discuss the signals. Most of them go for both sexes (you can find the following text on the Internet, without an author – it is the common knowledge of the Body Language).


Lips

  • Big smile with upper and lower teeth showing.
  • Sincere smile involves a contraction of eye-surrounding muscle (m.zyg.maj. and orb.ocul.).
  • Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth.
  • She wets her lips; some women use only a single-lip lick, wetting the upper or lower lip, while others run the tongue around the entire lip area.
  • She puts her fingernail between her teeth.
  • She protrudes her lips and thrust her breasts forward.

Eyes

  • She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
  • She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds; this is often combined with a smile and some eye contact.
  • She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
  • While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.
  • Eyebrows raised and then lowered, and then a smile indicates interest in you.

Hair

  • She pushes her fingers through her hair. This can be one hand movement or more of a stroking motion.
  • She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.
  • She is throwing her hair back off her shoulders.

Clothing

  • If she is wearing clothes that show her nipples underneath and you notice they are getting perky and erect.
  • The hem goes up to expose a little more leg.
  • She is fixing, patting or smoothing her outfit to make herself look better.

While Seated

  • She moves in time to the music, with her eyes on you.
  • She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.
  • She is sitting with her legs open.
  • She sits with her legs crossed in a manner to reveal her thigh.
  • Her legs are rubbing against each other.
  • Her legs are rubbing against the leg of the table.
  • Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.

Hands

  • She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.
  • While talking to you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up.
  • She rubs her wrists up and down.
  • She sits with one hand touching one of her breasts.
  • She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her relating in some way.
  • She is fondling keys, sliding hands up and down a glass, playing with toys or other things on the table.
  • She plays with her jewellery, especially with stroking and pulling motions.
  • She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you.

Voice

  • She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.
  • She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.
  • She laughs in unison with you.
  • In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided attention on you.

Miscellaneous

  • She mirrors your body language and body positions.
  • Her skin tone becomes red while being around you.
  • She blows smoke straight out from between her lips and toward you.
  • She leans over and speaks into her friend's ear, just like in junior high school.
  • She is standing with her head cocked slightly at an angle, one foot behind the other, hips slightly thrust forward.
  • At a party - every once in a while she seems to appear out of nowhere in your vicinity and if you move to another spot, soon she appears out of nowhere again, you catch her glancing in your general direction, she bumps into you… accidentally, touches you... accidentally etc...
  • She is pretending to look at her watch as you pass her.

Generally, if she is interested, you can find her in your presence, she won’t look bored and you’ll even have a chat. And have you noticed as women in love do not suffer from headaches?

Above listed signals are the common ones, which indicate that you are on the right way in the context of a date. To complement them, it is being said that during a personal meeting: visual component takes 55% of entire message, 38% goes for the voice and the rest 7% are communicated through the words. However, 38+7+55=100 was not proven in a single experiment. In addition, putative accidents have some weight as well as they usually have a secret meaning. Did she rub her leg against yours accidentally under the table?

Let us consider the given percentages as ratios of signal types per a given time unit. Therefore, you can give an exact meaning to your words just by using proper words, for instance with sms.


7% Words

  • Use words she can understand.
  • There is no point in having a huge story with a point so complex that the explanation will take eternity.
  • Avoid excessive use of technical and scientific terms.
  • Avoid depressive and un-attractive themes. To speak about another woman is even less attractive than having a speech on the global warming.
  • Displaying your shortcomings means to praise others – originally by Seneca, dating modification by SomeoneCZ.

38% Voice

  • Do not speak monotone – high pitch for action, low pitch for somber moments.
  • Stress different meanings of words with a modulation and speed of your voice.
  • Fast rate goes for action, slow rate, without pauses such as e, ehm, etc., is viewed as sincere.
  • Learn to articulate properly.
  • Improve the quality with resonance – as if you would like to yawn, but talk (no yawning, of course;-)

55% Visual

  • Stand erect, yet relaxed and slightly astride.
  • Yes, she has fantastic breasts, yet look in her eyes.
  • Use gestures; their size has to be related to the size of an object in speech, e.g. small for flowers and watch out for an elephant in a coffee bar. Small gestures will not be seen well in front of many auditors.
  • Do not look neutral, use face to express emotions, which match words.
  • Always try to look sincere, yet adequately.
  • Do not use anything as a cheat sheet – the loss of eye contact cuts you down on sincerity and you’ll look less self-confident.

Stance

  • People stand more directly towards somebody with higher status.
  • People have tendency to lean sideway, when communicating with somebody of lower status than with somebody of higher status.
  • Open stance means to have knees apart, with legs stretched out, elbows away from body, hands not touching and legs not crossing.
  • People with the open stance are viewed more positively than people with closed stance.
  • Leaning back means a dislike, slight forward lean means sympathy or a threat – it depends on a situation.
  • If she dislikes your presence, she backs, or tries to get out of your presence in other way – e.g. if she is classy, she might try to force you back with a playful-alike gesture. Such touch is not a positive signal of interest.

Manipulation

  • The same gestures signal that you understand each other; the same goes for nodding that matches the meaning of words.
  • If your counterpart mirrors your behavior, one of options is a possibility that you are being manipulated to think that you understand each other.
  • While answering personal and intimate questions, when there’s a close distance between you, self-touching indicates a possibility that you’re being manipulated.
  • Vertical moves with hands evoke feeling of a good relationship between you.
  • Some try to manipulate women with inadvertently casual-alike touches on her body. For some reason, they believe that if they start touching her, it will make her somehow to start to reciprocate.

Distance

DistanceKind of MeetingOptimal Volume
20 – 30cmHighly personalAudible whisper
30 – 90cmMost of personal meetingsSoft voice
90 – 150cmGroup meetingsFull voice
150 – 250cmFormal meetingsSlightly loud voice

Immediately at the first contact, standing face to face to a woman and closer than 30cm, if there’s no other option, means to lower her interest level. If she does not step back, there’s nowhere to step back, or her manners and self-control took over and so she beard the hawbuck. A man that stands in such manner on a purpose has a big problem to control his ego to see that this is pleasant for him only. In dependence on a situation, it might be viewed as a threat as well – even subconsciously.


Gestures to Avoid

GestureInterpretation
Hair twirlingIncompetence or uncertainty
Hand in front of mouthAnxiety because of uncertainty
Rubbing an arm or a legAnxiety because of incompetence, or uncertainty
Wringing hands, rubbing fingersAnxiety, uncertainty or nervousness
Slumped postureBoredom or alienation

I just hope that I don’t have to stress other gestures such as nostril exploration.


Kino

One of most popular dating half-truths is a superstition that you have to touch woman right during a first contact, the first date.

Some could argue that it makes sense. But I say that astrology makes sense as well, yet it does not work at all. Some could oppose that it would work, just if all advices were followed. And I say that it might work, but on a completely different principle. Some might ask what is right then. And therefore, I’ll analyze it for you.

Any way you try to raise her interest level presents a filter that not all women would pass through.

Do you both look for one night stand? Well, then it makes no sense to wait as chances, to succeed with a woman wanting the same, are high. But, what if you would like her for a long-term relationship? In such case, it is very reasonable to know, how much she likes you. And how do you find out? Easily. Keep your hands for yourself and let her to shove on. Show her you’re the prize and raise her interest this way. For this very reason, you sit her at the opposite side of a desk at your first date. People do not tend to throw away the stuff they had to earn.

Only she knows when she is comfortable enough to touch. You guess only and a badly-timed touch lowers interest level. Let her begin and you’ll know it for sure. If you are so eager to touch her, help her into a coat, or dance the tango.

Amateur rushes a way too fast and takes the joy of a hunt away from her. Successful hunter does not run after a game, but he rather waits, until the prey approaches.

Do I hear that she won’t touch you on a date otherwise? Perhaps, you are not as good to her as you think you are. Perhaps, you are not able to correctly assess her real personal interest level in you. And so you go on a date with a woman that does not like you enough, but you are flattered in a subjective thinking how much she likes you. Ego is your Achilles heel.

Men’s egos never allow them to think that a woman would go out if she felt indifferent toward him – i.e. had 49% IL or lower. The sin here, guys, is that you would never consider this scenario, even as a possibility – DocLove.

Evaluating long-term relationship candidates means to pass only those, who have interest high enough, so you can build on it.

Some are scared just by the thought, what would they do, if she would act the same way. And some are near to faint by the idea that she would know their battle plan and tactic beforehand. All these guys do not use their brain to its full potential. Otherwise, they would be aware that the kiss at the end of the date will reveal their physical attractiveness to her. Until that, you keep back and watch how far she will go because of high interest level [2]. And the next time, the second date, you know that your touches will be comfortable for her.

If you can control yourself, you have better chances.


Picture: Some Like It Hot movie poster.

This entry was posted on Monday, May 12, 2008 at 6:18 PM and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

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