Hello,
From time to time, I read you articles and find interesting ideas there. I would like to ask you for an advice. Judging by your articles, you are the one, who could help me. Here's my dilemma:
I am 20, after one long-term relationship and several one night stands. It is about a month, since I met my current girl; she's 22. We met on a party, where she asked for my contact and I gave it to her. During next week, we exchanged several text messages and set up a date. The date took about an hour. There was a classic beginning and getting to know her better, as I am used to. I felt she did not like that much, yet she thanked me for the invitation several times. I was knocked up that day and even two coffees did not put me into a shape. Well, it was a standard conversation. No buttering – I even did not comment her look, although she complimented mine.
Following week passed by without a contact, not that I wonder that. Then, I wrote her that I would like to see here again. She answered the same, but added that she does not know when, as she's busy. I said to myself – she's rejecting you… not wondering much – I proposed two or three other dates and she agreed to the last one.
All the time, I kept saying to myself: "don't blow it up, she's great". I bought a posy on Saturday's morning for the evening. As we arranged, I picked her after the work and we went to pizzeria. At the end of the date, I gave her the flowers. She almost broke through the roof of my car, as she was happy. She thanked me a lot and said that I surprise her more and more. We kissed several times for the good bye; she kissed me more than I kissed her. On the next day, she sent me a message how much she enjoyed the date and that it was her best date.
I feel that she's the best girl I ever met. I have this feeling although I spent several hours with her only. And here comes my question – how should I continue? My plan is simple: I asked her out twice, so she's on the turn now. If she will not ask me out in 3-4 days, I'll have to ask her anyway.
Thanks for your insight
John, who wants know, when she will ask him out
Hi John,
We can see the high interest level right in the beginning – she wanted your contact. I just hope that she started the messaging, not you, and that you did not let it grow out of control. However, you had a date, although it took one hour only. If you have fun, one hour passes away without getting noticed. It is an open question, why she was not happy much – were you interrogating her too much, or could we blame your fatigue? Everyone can be tired sometime, just leave it out for dates, especially the first one. However, she complimented you look – the sign of high interest level.
Although she still had high interest level after the first date, it was lower than on its beginning. How do I know? It's the week of radio silence. First, she wanted the contact, then the messages came and then a sequel in a form of radio silence. If you were able to avoid contacting her for the whole week, I assume that she started sending those messages before your first date.
What have you meant by the "I'd like to see you" message? We have the telephone so that you can call her, not to have a textual conversation. Writing is 10% of entire message only. Voice takes 40% and the rest is the body talk.
Why did you offer so many dates? It makes you look desperate. If she does not want, she does not want. She was supposed to come up with a particular counteroffer.
And how about the posy? Why did she accept the date – was it because of you, or because of a gift? As long as you can make her laugh, you don't need to buy her. Sure, time to time, you can buy her a gift, but for a second date? That's way too soon. How could you know that she won't interpret it as an attempt to buy her interest level? You could not. You were lucky. Or you did a lot of other things right – I would bet on this. Look at this – as you are not tired, you push her interest level far higher than on the first date. Just the count of kisses, she gave you, confirms this. Her interest level was higher after the second date than before the date. And if we take the following message into account, we can say significantly higher.
You made some mistakes, but you did most things right. So far, she has high interest level.
Regrettably, emotions take control over your decisions. Just after two weeks, how could you know that she's the best girl you've ever met? You give her credit way too soon and she has not earned it yet.
You were able to withstand the week of radio silence and she has to call you right after 3-4 days? Isn't it a little bit hasty? Use the week delay to your advantage. Stop rushing things up and start doing circa week delays yourself. If she has high interest level, she won't forget you. Moreover, you'll give her the opportunity to call you and to risk a rejection. That will up her interest level, because people don't give away things easily, if they risked for them.
Her upbringing plays an important role here. If she's old-school girl, she will wait for you to ask her out. If you give up, somebody else will take her on a date. You have to be patient and wait somewhat longer, until she begins to ask for dates. Strategy "I've asked you twice, it's your turn now" does not necessarily lead to a success. It could be no go.
Expect her to ask you out too soon, and you could loose her.
SomeoneCZ
