Hi,
I read your articles and I have to say it – you’re right almost all the time. And now to my question…
I’ve entered a romance with 12-years older, married woman. It is not for the first time, but this time I fell for her. In the beginning, I was mysterious, challenging, interesting – exactly as you describe the man, for whom women long. Although she fell for me, she has relatively functional marriage (as it is after 15 years). I am a realist and I know that she is not gonna leave him and I would not want her to do that – it would work for couple of years only.
We see each other for three months now and there’s one rendezvous per week only. It takes one hour, or two, of a wild sex – too short to my taste. Otherwise, we communicate frequently – an hour and half over a phone is not a problem… Well, and that’s where I made a mistake. I opened myself too much and put her into a leading position. It’s not as if I called, or wrote, her first – on contrary. But it seems to me that she does not try to get in touch as she used to. I know, she’s married and she cannot do whatever she wants to do. By the way, her husband went reasonably suspicious because of the communication frequency and that means additional difficulties.
My question is how to become Mister IRRESISTIBLE AGAIN and is that still possible?
Oh yeah, I suppose you’re gonna write to leave her, as it has no future. Head knows, heart does not.
Arnold,
Who fell for married woman
Hi Arnold,
Mysterious, challenging and interesting, that’s only a part of the man that can keep woman’s high interest level. And as you could verify, even only this can do a lot.
Here, I could dedicate a piece of the text to the question, if I’m right almost all the time only. We could analyze other stories – and we could find out, that I’m right all the time. Even as I risk a prig label with such statement, I show you an important trait that helped you and that will help you again – you think about what you hear and you don’t take everything as a clear truth.
With respect to the communication frequency, we could assume she really has high interest level in you. And if we add the sexual exercises (with associated risks), we could continue with a supposition that your interest level is higher than husband’s one. So far, we meet the condition for her to love you to exist. However, she was not about to leave her husband – otherwise she would spare the “divorce” word at least;-) This is a clear sign of your hot lover calculating without remorse.
Anytime a woman cuts the contact frequency, her interest level slides down. Her husband could not prevent entire communication with you – by phone for instance. When she really wants, she finds a way. Her marriage could stand as the reason for reduced number of your sexual encounters, but not as a reason for the change of her reactions, when she had an opportunity to talk to you. Talking over phone is just another way to be together, when you cannot be together physically. Perhaps, you spent too much time on the phone, until you were no better than her husband and so her interest level in you headed south.
But there is one question hanging above this version. Having a higher interest level, even love, in you than in her husband, how is it possible that she does not want to leave him? What if she never had high interest level in you? What if she just liked you physically and the husband was so boring? In that case, you were nothing but a welcomed amusement, until it became just another stereotype. And since she might felt green at that time, it looked like a high interest level – but there was none.
For 15-years, she is in a relatively working marriage, yet she purposely commits adultery. She uses her husband, so she can use another man – you, for instance. If she would have satisfying marriage, she would not get in with you to end it. You were destined as her amusement only. So the rules were set.
Even a non-loyal, moral integrity missing woman can have high interest level. Do not forget – she is not Right – this one calculates her profit and risks without remorse. For instance, as you are 12-years younger, you are a fine reason for her fears of being left for somebody younger. Could it happen? If she would prefer you, she would make a nice proof herself.
You don’t expect her to leave the husband for you and I agree. Having any interest level in you, do not expect her to endanger the marriage intentionally because of you. There are too many benefits for her than to end it. Do you remember her reaction, when her husband became suspicious? Start to behave as in the beginning, when she wanted to be with you – i.a. lower frequency of your communication. From the practical point of view, you will lessen the risks of being caught – something she should appreciate. Anyway, you cannot salvage dropping interest level by pressuring her. The good news is that she still can have a sex with you, even if her interest level is low. However, there are two possible scenarios you cannot prevent:
- She will evaluate the affair as too risky and subsequently end it to save other investments.
- She really had high interest level in you, but new lover will come – the one in whom she’ll be interested more. And here we go with a) variant.
In such situation, some would consider a desperate act of revealing the affair to her husband, to rip her off him. There are too many risks associated with it. She can interpret this as revenge, her husband might want to revenge on you as a cuckold and nobody can guarantee they will split even after this. When I read your letter, I’m glad you don’t want to do it.
SomeoneCZ
