Read about The Theory of Interest first, if you've come here because of women. Otherwise, check the table of contents. Despite model scenarios, you can lose some illusions here.

Pokud jste tu kvůli ženám, přečtěte si, o čem Teorie zájmu vlastně je. Jinak zkuste rovnou obsah. Ač uvedené jsou modelové situace, nedivte se, když tu přijdete o iluze.

Experience, Ego and Sex  

Posted by SomeoneCZ in

Bedazzled

Man-O’-Experience

You should rather think, before you obey an advice of somebody, who describes his/her own experience only. Taken statistically, one man is an insignificant population sample to make directive conclusions. It is not just enough to know, how women behaved towards him – you need to know, how these women behaved towards other men.

You can form hypothesis based on information of my-own-experience men, but only when you have enough of them. Nevertheless, you still have to prove the hypothesis in the practice. And only if they survive attempts to prove them wrong, you can start talking about theories.


Pure Advisors

They seem to have the experience, they always have some advice, and even they wrote number of articles. So, what’s the problem? They have no model of woman behavior. If they would be so good, they would be aware of principles, which describe relationships.

Clearly speaking, ones tell you there’s no versatile woman for everybody. Yet, they immediately throw a number of advices upon you. They advise how to get a woman, but with no specification given. So, what kind of woman will you get? As if they naively suppose a versatile woman. Isn’t that an oxymoron?

Other ones divide the act of seduction into several phases. However, the important phases are not discussed adequately. For instance, they tell you to check, whether you can seduce her. And that’s all. What do they mean with the checking? To verify, whether she has high interest level in you? We don’t know. They have not told a word about it. It seems like they cover this topic in some other article, but when you start looking, it shows that it is practically impossible to find something particular. Like if they are writing general truths only. And when you find something, what sounds a little bit particularly, it is like a sociology report of Víťa Jakoubek: “Although, most of students have some idea about their future career, heft of them have none yet.”. For instance, what practical use is hidden in their advice to be flexible? During his life, everybody got into a situation, when he had to serve one’s time – even if he had to wait, before he could cross a street safely. Anybody, who doesn’t understand the importance of compromise, is hard to help.

A group of idealists comes here as well. They take their inspiration from movies, statements of celebrities and some philosophers. Usually, they pick some catchy, sentimental phrase and enjoy their time with it.

  • Bram Stoker aka Dracula: "I have crossed oceans of time to find you."

    Practically unusable, but it sounds damn romantically. A typical illustration of a man groveling for her favor.

  • Henry David Thoreau: "There is no remedy for love but to love more."

    Sure, you love her, you become nice guy, so she choose another man, right in that moment, when her interest level passed over the point of no return. Yet, you are still so much in love with her, so you pressure her more and more. Perfect way to make her loose the last of her respect, she might have for you.

  • Richard Bach: "Real love stories never have endings."

    And how about all those break-ups? An exemplary show of essential ignorance.

Fortunately, although in a smaller number, you can encounter actually useable phrases.

  • Cary Grant: "My formula for living is quite simple. I get up in the morning and I go to bed at night. In between, I occupy myself as best I can."
    Perfect demonstration of your answer, once she starts interrogating about your life.

Critics’ Critics

How can you listen to him? He just criticizes others and has not come with anything. Oh yes, even my analysis may invoke that impression. But correct me, if I’m wrong – there’s no point in criticizing what’s OK. To better yourself, you have to quit doing mistakes. And how do you want to do that, if nobody tells you about them?

There’s one rule to recognize a constructive criticism. In such, there will be reasoning and suggestion of a better solution – if there’s one. Yet be warned, even a constructive criticism may bother your ego. And moreover, it is not guaranteed to be right. So, do you know now, why I include reasoning and citations? ;-)


One Night Stand

I hope you did not forget – we are after a long-term relationship with Miss Right here. Of course, the idea of you being so attractive that women want to sleep with a complete stranger is so tempting. Oh, how it flatters your ego. Second thoughts, how she might be out of luck to get somebody she really wanted, so you came handy, they are not welcomed. Yes, even mass-media present that as a marvelous success. Moreover, there really are people who do it with complete strangers. Some people are satisfied with such life style. So, let it be. However, as we are after a long-term relationship, we have to realize that Miss Right behaves differently.

Although the point is easy to understand, many people can’t catch it. Compare two following approaches:

  1. You give chance to any girl you like. Your choice may include one night standers. You look like somebody, who wins the favor of women.
  2. You exclude most of them right in the beginning, as they don’t meet your criteria – Miss Right with high interest level. It may take a while to meet such woman.

You can see the first approach as more funny and you can argue that statistically taken, after sometime you’ll meet Miss Right with high interest level anyway. So, you see the first approach as more suitable. If anybody has not expected me to write this – mistake. The great advantage of the first approach is the possibility that you’ll hit the reality’s wall so hard that you’ll reconsider your process of selection. The un-teachable ones will stay with the first approach.

If you give chance to any girl, what use does it have for a long-term relationship? Yes, you can improve your sexual skills – that’s right. However, when it comes to keeping her interest level high, you practice on wrong targets. If you want Miss Right, you will have to choose her somehow – you’ll have to decide, which one she is, and which one has high interest level. Every woman is not Right and if you spend time with any woman available, you loose your time – you tarry. Even, if you would not be particularly after Miss Right, not every woman will fit you.


Ego alias Wishful Thinking

So, you wanted a date, but she did not? For instance, did she show her low interest level by ignoring your phone calls? And how about your ego? It compels you to come up with a number of reasons, why she could not pick-up the phone, while she actually wanted to. Your ego just does not want to see the one and only reason – the low interest level. That’s why so many men pick-up the phone and beg her to reconsider that they are worth her attention. One just stand wonder-struck – if they were worth her attention, they would not beg her in the first place! They already would be after another one, who has not rejected them.

So many people are naïve and starry-eyed. As their motto, they could use: “She would clearly say no, if she would not be interested.”. Just don’t confuse them with optimists – they are a different chapter. These ones refuse to admit the truth. Why just don’t they want to see that if somebody wants to make a deal, s/he does something for it?

She committed adultery, yet he put his trust in her again, since he believed it was just a momentarily failure and she won’t do that again. So, she committed adultery again. With another man and under a better cover. Does it sound familiar to anybody?

We have 5-years relationship, but my girlfriend moved out two weeks ago – she said she needs a break to put her life together. I’m 23, she’s 22. What’s wrong with her? It’s astonishing how often men cannot see an obvious sign of low interest level. And not only that. This is a predictable result. Five years ago, she was 16. Statistics clearly says there will be a breakup, as she is too young. It is a nice demonstration of a battle you cannot win, if that means a long-term relationship. Are you still in a high school? Do not entertain false hopes as the interest level will never drop below the point of no return.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t say that you should avoid girls, until you’re 19, 24 or more. Statistics says that you need to have some experience from practice and that’s the reason why first relationships fail. If you postpone them after high school, or later, you’ll still need to practice first.

I’ll tell you two war stories about people who wanted to believe, they’ll be the exceptions. They’ve dated since a high school, yet she left him anyway. For some time, they were apart, but she came back then. She had no high interest level and he had no idea, how much she used him. Second war story – they fell in love almost as kids so much, they got married. Hey, wait a moment – they never ever went on a single date with anybody else?! After reaching 40 and two kids, they have divorced. And do you know what? Unlike them, for sure, now you have information needed to more accurately predict the outcome under such conditions.


Into the Long-Term Relationship: Plot the Sex Course, Navigator

I’m gonna continue with another war story. She had several relationships, even male friends she rejected. But one day, the age of 30 came and no one suitable was on the scene. She even tried to seduce the last candidate with sex. It shown, he did not want to bind himself to woman he practically doesn’t know and not so soon. But she felt like going crazy from the beat of her biological clock. So her majesty granted an amnesty to one of her rejected friends.

As you’ll hear somebody talking about sex as about a way to begin a long-term relationship, remember and try to think, whether it could be a variant of this war story. And since I wanna help you more than such talkers, I give a description of a warning flag that compromises such women. In the beginning, when she accepts your offer (e.g. date), her answer contains a reasoning, why she accepts. Like if she knew she is doing something wrong, she wants to convince the world she actually does the right thing. Miss Rights accepts your offer, because she has high interest level and therefore her response states that she agrees and that she looks forward to see you. Or a concrete counteroffer;-)

Existence of the flag, that’s good news. And two bad news accompany it:

  1. If she is a user, she can watch her reaction to camouflage her true intentions. And don’t be fooled – she does not do that because of her high interest level. She has none. And therefore, it is possible that you won’t see the flag, just because she doesn’t care about you.

  2. The more important an honorable act is to her, the greater probability you’ll see the flag. Sad to say, the higher your interest level goes, the less you wanna care. It takes self-control and self-esteem on your side.

Two examples of the warning signal follow:

  • Hi. Originally, I thought you’re a player. Nevertheless, it was nice, so I don’t see a reason why not to see you again. Bye Jenny

  • Hi Clyde, you’ve quite surprised me. Perhaps, I was too young, when I rejected you at the time. But now, you look like a fine man – so, why not to get together. Bonnie

Emotions and Not Fully-Grown Personalities

Have you ever heard somebody’s bragging, how many women he had? And how many of them were so desirable, even celebrities? Without a success, I try to come up with a reason, why a gentleman should do so. If the man is so good and she’s worth it, they stay together and he has no reason to brag: "Oh yeah, when I was with Carmen Electra...".

The need for bragging with whom he slept, the number of them, etc. it’s nothing else but a sign of a person, which have not mentally grown. The real man has the results and therefore he does not brag like a teenager, who saw a naked woman for the first time.

Once, I came across a notice of one Pickuper, how he started to better himself and therefore he rejected his girlfriend in a pretty rude way. I have no intention to criticize that he ended the relationship, if he had no interest in continuing. But he devoted most of the notice to a description, how his ex was disoriented, tried to save the relationships and on the whole she reacted sensibly. And he enjoyed the describing as he prolonged and enjoyed the act. But in the end, she squared accounts with him – rightly so.

Pay attention, if there are signs of mental imbalance. To quote DocLove – in such situations, there are no victims, just volunteers.

Just because some statement flatters the ego, it does not prove it true.


Image Notice: Bedazzled movie poster.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 29, 2008 at 5:23 PM and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

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