A long-distance relationship is a commonly used term. However, it is a subjective and erroneous one. Therefore, it is a misleading term. Distances get different, as you do not have to limit yourself to e.g. badly scheduled bus lines, if you have a car at your disposal. Let us consider conditions, which prevent you to see each other often and it takes a significant time to get together. Let us use the long-distance relationship term for these conditions.
The conditions of a long-distance relationship have a significant influence on your relationship. And let’s be honest – they don’t work to your advantage. But do not forget, there is an entire variety of other, traditional issues, which can cause a breakup.
The Breaking Point
It is a nice today, so you took an enjoyable walk, or you just relax somewhere you feel fine. You are having so great time that you say to yourself: “It would be wonderful, if my dear would be here with me.”. Being both from the same town, it is not a big problem. If not today, then some other day, you’ll get together. Having the relationship for a short time, you won’t pressure her, because you know that one day, you’ll be together. And how about the long distance? It is a warning sign, as you asked yourself indirectly about a perspective of your relationship. Knowing that you cannot be together as often as you want to be, you doubted the future of your relationship. From this moment on, your interest level started to drop.
Interest Level
Associated with the long-distance relationship, there are three aspects, which affect her interest level:
- Technical reason – the longer it takes to travel to her, the more tired you’ll be on a date. Thus, you’ll be less funny, worse in your reactions and you’ll have less desire to stand up to her tests. Thanks to such conditions, you will not act as good as you could and therefore her interest level will not rise as fast as it could. May be, it may even fall down. If she travels to you, she is tired and therefore less responsible to your actions towards her. Summed all up, you are in a worse position than being from the same town.
- Feeling not satisfied – the higher her interest level is, the more she wants to be with you. Having a fixed limit on your mutual encounters, she may start to feel unsatisfied. This may happen subconsciously, even if she knows you’re doing a maximum. If it takes long enough, her interest level falls down.
- Head – as soon as she starts to doubt the future your relationship, her interest level drops – see The Breaking Point.
The Solution
It is a naive to think you won’t reach the breaking point, nor she will feel unsatisfied. Yes, it is possible - but what is your goal? Let’s be honest, it is not a relationship with Miss Right [3]/The Good One[2].
There are two solutions only. Either, you break-up, or one of you moves, so you will live in the same town. Anything else leads to a breakup. It just takes longer. The long-term relationship with Miss Right always ends with breakup, or with a move to the same town.
Moving
There is not much sense in asking when to move. Your high interest level will push you for this. It is much better to focus on the practical side. Unless you have not made sure, she’s Miss Right[3]/The Good One[2], you risk a lot. You risk your emotions and money. You can end-up in a strange town, without friends, in an expensive under-lease and you’ve endangered your attractiveness for a firm that used to employ you (in a case you want to go back).
If she is OK, she will not force you to move into her town unconditionally. But be aware, she might be right, when she says it would better, if you move. The most important fact is that she will not pursue her profit only.
Deadline
Not being a little, naive girl, she does not underestimate the risk of long-distance relationship. Your chosen one may have a particular idea about time limits, the milestones of the relationship progress – residence, first vacation on Hawaii, first child, etc. In such case, there is a deadline to be met with results, if you want to keep her interested. As the deadline comes closer and there are no results, she feels more and more unsatisfied – the breaking point. The less time you have, the more she feels unsatisfied. The more she feels unsatisfied, the less of her interest level. And nobody guaranteed that you can meet her requirements on you.
Mainly, the ticking of biological clock of childless women about to cross 30 is a reason for a radical solution – either, she moves unconditionally, or she leaves you. In the latter case, she relies on statistics, which tell her that she will always find someone, who will fit enough. With such kind of thinking, she ignores a risk of having an emotional problem and it is no reason for you to take her back.
Similarity with a Normal Relationship
Even in the normal relationship, you might reach the breaking point. You can face a time limit, feel unsatisfied and being tired from work. But from the long distance, you’ll get hit with a greater intensity. Are you ready for the impact?
do not live on illusions.
