I could use something like this, if The Theory of Interest would be just another New Age miracle in the line. But it is not, because I really do adhere to the scientific method. So, I can give a precise description instead of vague, well-formed statements.
The Theory of Interest introduces a relationship model that could be used to keep woman interested in a man. There are two requirements – (1) you want to keep her interested in you and (2) it is possible to predict her actions. Thanks to experience with New Age gurus, as they are able to wrench even a precisely formulated scientific statement, I'll go into more details here. Although it is given from man's perspective, it goes for both sexes.
Perhaps, you'll wonder later, why so much math? Because it gives you an advantage, once you give factual information. But it won't happen, if you would argue with vague terms, subjective validation, anecdotes and parables.
- To keeping a woman interested, it is possible to add the following question. How to create the interest? The Theory of Interest uses such metric that makes this question irrelevant. There is always some default interest level and therefore there is nothing to create – it already exists. Subsequently, it is possible to lower, or raise, the interest level.
- The effort of keeping her interested is required to create a feedback. Beside other factors, the effort is also affected by the way she behaves towards you. And this, in return, affects the way you behave towards her – i.e. the effort to keep her. So, there are two feedbacks in a pair. If you would like to use The Theory of Interest for a single, self-loving person, you would need to create his identical, virtual copy and establish feedbacks between them. For other sets, i.e. monogamous and polygamy relationships, with n people, where n>1, there are n×(n-1) feedbacks in the system.
- The term woman stands for women generally, no particular woman is meant. The Theory of Interest acknowledges the very fact that you cannot have any woman, you'd like to have.
- The possibility of predicting her actions does not mean that it is always possible and error-free to predict her future actions. Sampled by time steps, which can vary in length dynamically, her interest level changes by some ΔIL. To a particular time, there is infinity number of possible ΔIL – each of them with some probability. Their sum equals to 100%. The Theory of Interest helps to identify the important ones, ideally just one.
- Extent of applied-math knowledge, especially classification of her behavior as predictable, is out of possibilities of most of people – given by education and IQ. If you don't see it, it does not mean that it is impossible. However, we all know that people usually respond the same way to particular events. Thus, I don't ask you to believe into something, what cannot be proved by an independent experiment.
- Each woman is different, each of us subjective towards women. In the case of The Theory of Interest, it is nothing but a myth. An omission of a fact that some people are incorrigible. For instance, when I recommend waiting about a week, a source independent on me [2] confirms success with such procedure, I found it to be working too, as well as other people did and provided me with a feedback. Moreover, thanks to the IL metric, it is possible to rule out the possibility of a mere correlation. Next, this procedure even compensates a possible race condition with a synchronous drop of progesterone and estradiol levels. They both affect mood and this happens periodically to women [134, 135]. Thus, The Theory of Interest is objective, because it uses a math model that is consistent with independently published information from various sources.
In The Theory of Games, Nash Equilibrium describes such state that is desirable for all involved parties as they see it as profitable. Attractor of stable chaotic system fits this condition. A chaotic system is either stable, relationship lasts, or it is unstable, breakup. We can consider a relationship as a chaotic system, because it responds to dynamically changing environment at least – there will be children, mother in law, middle-age crisis, etc.
In stable system, both partners desire to stay with each other – aka they are interested in staying with each other. Quantity called Interest Level, aka IL, quantifies the interest. There are two interest levels – personal interest level and relationship interest level. Their meanings are not identical.
The Theory of Interest allows to compute past changes in interest level - ΔIL. There are two effects of this – (1) it is possible to evaluate stability of the system, (2) and to learn, how particular actions affect her interest level. Thus, you can increase effectiveness of learning process on how to handle a relationship – a thing people do intuitively with varying success. Speaking with math, you can change the system by adjusting its parameters. For instance, if her interest level decreases in an unstable system, you can change your parameters (behavior) in a try to change the system into a stable one.
I demonstrate some conclusions with taken of archetypes. Miss Right and gentleman dominate them as an ideal pair. However, rich, old geezer and young gold-digger can form a stable system as well as long as its components are alive. Math model of The Theory of Interest is able to describe them all. As I've said earlier, the requirement is predictability of her actions.
As a quick introduction into The Theory of Interest, I recommend following articles: Dating Is a Game, Equation of Interest Level Motion and Measuring Interest Level. As a handy tool allowing faster success assessment, there is article called Body Language.
However, you should understand the following. Woman will not start to behave differently, just because you started to pick her up. Look, no woman will go like this: "oh, yes, he's a shy guy, so I need to change what I like on men". Target sets the optimal strategy. All you can do is to decide, whether the requirements are acceptable for you. The Theory of Interest recognizes this fact. Question is – what will be your standpoint on this matter? It is no secret that number of people would prefer ego-friendlier methods.
If you've read so far, it is highly likely that you will pay some attention to other reference guides on women, dating and relationships. Diplomatically speaking, we could doubt with success that number of them is based on anything else but the placebo effect. As a more realistic point of view on the world of professional dating, than it is usual to present it, I recommend to read Dating Myths article.
If my knowledge is to help my course,
won't it be better to have the most accurate information?
The Theory of Interest is here for several years, while being acknowledged as working. Once upon a time, I've even read "and that shall happen for it is written so in The Theory of Interest". I guess you all understand now that the applied math is not a fad, but a way to show that my conclusions are no act of god. It seems to me that there is a resemblance of cults and blind faith, while looking at some dating schools.
Sometimes, a man feels anxiety and fears to approach the woman. A little self-confidence ego-stroke might solve the situation successfully. I would not argue against such decent use of placebo effect. But honestly, it looks to me like if the dating industry competes with its own greediness. New claims and so-called theories are presented as stone-written truths to maintain necessary fame, yet no scientific evidence is given. So, don't expect them to like me for pointing out such facts and promoting critical thinking. Sometimes and pretty ironically said, I have fun watching experts, who explicitly don't like me and The Theory of Interest, to actually teach it.
Of course, it happens every time you create something popular, even useful. So, The Theory of Interest has been copied several times, while the authorship information went missing. Was it foolishness, or a double-dyed act? Luckily, it's not trivial to steal math-based article successfully, if you actually don't understand all the involved math:-)
As a collective, people are so foolish so they don't share source of their information. Giving the information over several sources, there is a risk of misinterpreting the information. If you want to help people, share the source. Let them find the information, they might be looking for.
(I) I am the one
(The one) Who sold his soul
(His soul) Forever gone to be the
Last Man Standing
There was a long and hard fight on plains of math model. They fought for the honor that belongs to those, who reign ultimately over success at women. In the last day of the battle, the situation changed dramatically. On that day, I’ve finally figured out, how to compute her Interest Level.
Only two warriors left standing, while watching each other’s back. Knowledge and Critical Thinking.
Perhaps, some of you might wonder now, where is look and self-confidence? You can change your physical attractiveness to a limited extent only – e.g. it is impossible to modify your DNA by a plastic surgery and DNA affects how she smells you. What you can change, it depends on critical thinking and knowledge on appearance – e.g. what to wear. And self-confidence? Well, it is a matter of how high you think of yourselves;-)
Glorious
Noble in my mind
Everything I fight to win
Taking all and giving
Whatever my pride would let me
Not backing down, not giving in
I wouldn't lose, I couldn't
Everybody has some self-confidence. Some people think sky-rocket-high of themselves, some have low self-confidence. There are two ways to increase it: knowledge and manipulation.
Manipulation is the bad choice, because it suppresses critical thinking. Take a beginner for example and give him some basic knowledge. At the very moment he will use it, he will feel growing self-confidence and admiration to you. What you’ll make with the admiration, that’s a matter of moral of each of us. Beware the false gods – Teal’c.
Experience is knowledge of what happened at particular time. You approach woman, because you think there’s a chance to succeed. This view is given by your present knowledge and thinking. Notice as I’ve not required that the knowledge matches with reality and that the thinking is critical one. It is because the self-confidence increase can happen even without them. But would it be a way to long-term success?
What separates low and excessive self-confidence? Did she say no because she has no interest, or because she simply could not? Is it really as they say? And how will I keep her? To these and many other questions, knowledge and critical thinking help to find correct answers. Blind faith and ignorance do not.
Critical thinking leads to knowledge, which allow getting more knowledge with taken of critical thinking. More knowledge matching reality means an advance that happens thanks to the critical thinking. Everything else, you can affect, is just a consequence – an application of knowledge.
Man gains particular quality, if he constantly acts in a particular way – Aristotle. If you want to become gentleman, which Miss Right desires to keep, knowledge and critical thinking will tell you how and why – advance in development of your personality.
Beside knowledge, The Theory of Interest gives you control mechanisms. Thanks to them, it is principally falsifiable. Without them, it would be nothing more but another miraculous cure in the line.
I walk alone
With my head held high
Never felt that I belonged
Stand my ground at all costs
Running through life with blindfolds
Just for the right – right to be wrong
If you are lucky, you meet someone who tries to give you the knowledge.
The Theory of Interest goes even further.
The Theory of Interest helps to develop your critical thinking.
Nothing would rule my world but...
Italic text: HammerFall – Last Man Standing
Picture: J. Pentose – Freya
- Strategy
- Statistics and Probability
- Rough Estimation of Interest Level
- Interest Level More Accurately
- Maximizing Estimation's Accuracy
- Developing Your Own Strategy
- Artificially Induced Errors
- Importance of Math Model
- Which one of Interest Levels?
- Learning Costs
- Feelings
Although this article is given from man's perspective, it is valid for women as well as long as appropriate and (hopefully) obvious modifications are done.
Once upon his life, every man asked the following two questions:
- How do I know that she is interested in me, alias what's her interest level?
- How will I keep her interested?
To maximize the probability of keeping her interested, you need to come up with a battle plan – a strategy. And then, you will watch her interest level changing, so that you will know how well your strategy works.
Without being aware of the situation, you would never know whether you at least stood a chance with her, or which mistakes you did.
He who knows when he can fight and when he cannot, will be victorious.
If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.
Sun Tzu
There are people, who are willing to change their strategy, just because they did not succeed at the moment. Yet, they don't even ask, whether they actually could succeed. So, they go to another extreme as they change nothing.
Strategy
If your strategy works successfully, she wants to stay with you. In such case, you head for a long-term relationship. This is a reliable indicator that efficiency of your strategy is greater than 50% - see Equation of Interest Level Motion.
Getting a bunch of phone numbers is not reliable. Some women just cannot say no to your face and other women seek someone just not to be alone. Having a sex at a first date is not a reliable indicator of method's efficiency as well. She could have slept with you just to make her ex angry, or she is simply a chippie. So, don't be a fool and don't think sky rocket high of your abilities, just because you had sex. In such case, your strategy does not matter to a significant extent. You just need to look good and behave yourself to her needs. But when she wants to be with you repeatedly and because of your personality, that's a different piece of cake. That's reliable and relevant.
Perhaps, a most reliable switch to man's brain is sex, beside a good meal. Set your priorities accordingly to your age:-) Notice how many dating techniques aim for getting her to bed ASAP. Beside the natural reaction to the possibility of having sex, there's an ill logic in background that interprets the following. You have sex, when she wants to stay with you aka when you have a long-term relationship. When you have a long-term relationship, you will have sex as well. But when you have sex, it does not mean yet that she wants to keep you for the long-term relationship. Set your primary goal first.
The long-term relationship with Miss Right stands for at least two months, when she had positive personal and relationship interest levels. During this interval, it is possible to test conditions of mutual physical attractiveness and to test, whether you have compatible thinking – i.e. whether the possibility of staying together exists. In other words, the relationship is possibly long-term one, if it lasts longer than two months under given conditions.
These two months act as a quick test as well. If your strategy works, she wants to stay with you and you don't need to perform any calculation. If it does not work, there is no reason to stick with it.
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
Elvis Presley
Statistics and Probability
With my personal pre-selection and style, at the best I achieved 10% probability that approached woman is Miss Right with positive personal interest level in me and that she is available as well. The System [2] is more pessimistic – see Thirty Factor. It says that only one woman from thirty women will be available and Miss Right with high interest level. However, it says also that I won't like her so that I'll have to go for another thirty women. Simply said, once you've approached 60 women and none wants to stay with you longer than two months, you do something wrong. The greater number of approached women is, it is the greater probability that you use strategy that does not lead to your goal.
We talk about a probability that approached women is available for you, that she is Miss Right, that you understand each other and that you find yourselves mutually physically attractive. Moreover, that you both have positive personal interest level in each other. The list of required conditions is not a small one. Therefore, one cannot expect miraculous numbers once we pursue realistic estimation.
Once we would be concerned just about probability of getting her phone number, the probability would be greater than 10%. Being justified just with an e-mail address, it would raise even higher. And being delighted just by talking to her, we could claim almost 100%. However, none of these is a reliable indicator.
If anybody guarantees high success ratio, ask him, what exactly he guarantees. Ask him what the success exactly is and don't buy into vague terms. Don't take statements such as "you'll become more successful, you'll gain more self-confidence, women will like you more, you'll adopt the right manners, you'll become another, better man, etc."
Whenever a normal, clinically sane man buys a car, he is interested in motor, consumption, running meter, chassis and vehicle body in the first place. With statements such as "it will be new experience, a different drive feeling, you'll make a better impression", he would say good bye and buy nothing.
Those who cannot learn, and traps themselves in honey-pots, those' kingdom of heaven shall be.
Of course, you don't have to rely on interest level measuring only to determine strategy's effectiveness. You can analyze the strategy as well. Having correct input data and applying correct procedure, the analysis will match measured values of interest level.
I guess that we all realize that anybody, who relies on his friends only, perhaps never approached 60 woman strangers in his life, just because he might like them as potential girl-friends. Such people might tell us about their high success ratio, because they succeed e.g. at every second woman. Just put them into harsh environment such as street, and they will say good bye to their high success ratio very quickly. However, we are interested whether she will want to stay with us for at leas two months, regardless of the first contact.
By stating that at least one woman out of 60 women fits the requirements, it does not mean that you have to approach 59 women to get to this one. You can have the luck to meet her right at the first approach. It is probability; these are not absolute numbers.
Let her be 5th, 6th, 12th or 25th woman you approached. The order is out of your control and therefore you cannot reliably judge your strategy this way. It is necessary to differentiate between order and total number of approached women. Only after you cross the limit, 60, without reaching desired effect, then it is time to consider error either in the strategy, or in its completion.
Given probability is population's property. It is not about your capabilities. It describes percent occurrence. Once non-zero, you have a chance to keep her as you can meet her. Reversely, if you don't meet her, then you cannot keep her, apparently. Success ratio of keeping her is derived from effectiveness of used strategy.
For a month, you roam streets of a larger city and percent occurrence of Miss Right is 1 of 30. You approach one woman each day. On 12th day, you've got a phone number that resulted into a date. Just this time, she was Miss Right, but you were not able to keep her interest level high. So, you've started to study The Theory of Interest.
You had studied hard, yet you continued to approach one woman each day. Percent of occurrence stood the same. After 25 days, you had another day with another woman and roughly one week later, there was another date with her.
Degree of your knowledge and practice does not affect Miss Right percent occurrence in your environment. It affects the probability of keeping her interest level high.
Those, who ignore Statistics, are condemned to reinvent it.
Brad Efron
Rough Estimation of Interest Level
There are several indicators of positive personal interest level in you.
- She keeps agreed dates, she does not cancel dates, she tries to come up with counter offers
- In your presence, she is relaxed, enjoys your company and does not avoid your kisses (no positive personal interest level without physical attraction)
- You talk about private stuff
- She proposes dates, she says that she loves you (better yet – she behave so) – with clinically sane woman older than 23 years, this indicator is valid since 6th date including [2]
As you can see, there are 4 points per each date. For a particular interval, count how many of them she completed and divide it by maximum achievable points. The result is her average interest level in the given interval.
The rough estimation determines the interest level for positive numbers only. On the other hand, it is not a big problem as even Miss Right is useless for you without positive interest level.
Accuracy depends on the number of evaluated dates. For a single date, there is 25% tolerance – it is a problem of few input samples. For instance, a rejection of first date proposal illustrates this. However, with the knowledge that efficiency of a successful strategy is greater than 50%, we know that she would not reject second proposal with positive personal interest level (tolerance is 12,5%). With a successful strategy, you would not stagnate at zero.
Computing interest level per some interval, you don't get current value, but the average value. The longer interval is, then the greater a difference to current interest level could be.
Apparently, the rough estimation is not complex. So I hope that even a 15-years old teenager understands.
Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.
Elvis Presley
Interest Level More Accurately
Thanks to Scramjet, we know that interest level always changes, even if it is by an immeasurable difference. Therefore, we are unable to precisely tell current value of interest level. Once we say it, it has already changed. It is the same as with time. However, we can estimate the interest level with a particular tolerance. By comparing two sequential values, we determine its progress – raising or lowering.
The rough estimation suffers from little accuracy. Especially, we don't know optimum length of a time interval that would reflect her current interest level best. We need some fixed point – i.e. a confirmed interest level at a particular time. And we'll get this value from optimistic distributed simulation [108].
From this moment on, the further reading is designed for people, which would get familiar with the distributed simulation prior writing a comment.
Anytime we make any action, we never know what will happen to her interest level with 100% accuracy. We just assume a probable interest level change and accordingly to her reaction, a feedback, we make correction to our estimation of her interest level.
Initially, we reset all clocks and estimation of her personal interest level in us to zero. If she reacts positively, we take it as acknowledgement. Getting negative reaction, we consider it as an anti-message. If necessary, we perform respective rollback in the interest level estimation. Let us define positive interpretation of her interest level as a ratio of all acknowledgements to all messages, i.e. including anti-messages. Negative interpretation is defined as a ratio of anti-messages to all messages and multiplied by -1.
Two interpretations are needed because of –PIL → PIL–invariant [86, 87]. Until we get such anti-message that indicates her interest level under zero, we choose positive interpretation. Once this happened, we choose negative interpretation.
It is not necessary to interpret all anti-messages for the possibility of interest level under zero. It is still valid that successful strategy has efficiency greater than 50%. Once the interest level gets under zero, it leads the interest level estimation down to zero as well. Without interpretation, we do not estimate PIL, but RIL. This is given by the momentum that cannot be eliminated without the interpretation. The previous positive PIL values affect the average value over a given period. Fidelity of interpretation is conditioned by knowing the woman and the situation.
We can receive messages not only from her, but from other sources, e.g. her environment, as well. Therefore, it is desirable to assign weights accordingly to their reputation and trustworthiness. Just in case, it is better to run two simulations. One simulation will receive messages from her only and another one will process messages from other sources as well. The second simulation is to be used as an alarm to warn on possibly dangerous situations.
Reference value of her interest level is given to such time, for which there will be no anti-message (and thus no acknowledgment as well). As we met her, her interest level was not zero, yet we reset it to zero. This means that this method is iterative one and the estimation of her interest level gets more accurate as the number of reference values grows.
Estimation's accuracy is conditioned by a possible error given by one omitted, or badly interpreted, message. Thanks to reference values, it is a dynamic variable. With reference value, we could be interested in the speed of convergence to the real value of her interest level. This is a complex problem. Luckily, we actually don't have to solve it.
She is driven by her true interest level, not by our estimation. Thus, the estimation makes sense to know, what raises her interest level and vice-versa. Thanks to this, it is possible to develop a strategy and make decisions that would raise her interest level. +PIL++. So, we can adapt. But we should not do it at any costs.
I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be, until finally I became that person. Or he became me.
Cary Grant
If you desire a long-term relationship, it takes more than to know how to raise her interest level. You need to have compatible thinking.
Maximizing Estimation's Accuracy
JAs you can see, estimation based on distributed simulation generally works with any-rough feedback. Therefore, it is not limited to coarse granularity as to evaluate at the level of e.g. dates. Interpretation of messages de-facto means to assign weights to particular messages accordingly to the extent of the change. Going to extreme, we could assign weights to individual gestures of body talk.
It is individual, how much detailed simulation you can handle. There is one apparent use possible – Scramjet. Aka, it is about determining speed of her interest level increase.
We can even go so far that we don't need to learn any of existing strategies, because with such tool, we can derive one fast enough.
The more detailed simulation, the sooner you can adapt to her personality. Memory requirements are the problem. However, methods already exist to deal with it. I won't mention them because you don't actually need them for a first reason. For a second reason, I don't want to give so powerful tool into hand of people, who advertise different goals than those they pursue for real – using her for sex only, getting her money... while declaring e.g. a desire for a long-term relationship.
Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.
Albert Einstein
Developing Your Own Strategy
Intuitively as any normal man, you can watch her reactions to a just-performed routine. Therefore, you can evaluate entire sequence of routines and evaluate overall success ratio.
Sometimes routine works, sometimes it does not. And we still consider the same type of woman. Advantage of this success evaluation lies in its simplicity. However, the simplicity has been paid with accuracy. Such evaluation considers woman as a combinatory automata – i.e. her interest level changes accordingly to your present actions only. Thanks to equation of interest level motion, we know that this is not true. Her interest level is affected by its previous values as well. And for this reason we need to know reference value of her interest level.
When evaluating your success ratio, you have to ask whether you even have had a real chance to succeed. Otherwise you would refine your technique with erroneous feedback. It would mean that you would not know whether you are actually doing better or worse. Just because you assumed that you could win, even if it was not possible.
Having several factors, it is possible to reduce out those, which do not affect the result. This is a trivial application of Bool algebra. However, there might be some dependencies, which are not clearly visible as there might be a temporal connection. For instance, when you cease to take her out on dates, someone else might start doing so. Development of such situation depends on her current interest level in you. So, a simple statistics, how many times of total number of times, introduces an error into your decision making.
I could start to expand statistics theories right now, but it can be said easily. Look and learn from her reactions to your actions. And use feedback only from those, with which you had real chance.
Rather than to rely on vague or misleading information, it is better to start from the scratch.
SomeoneCZ
Artificially Induced Errors
Perhaps, as you needed an advice, you listened to somebody who would do better a job, just if kept his mouth shut. Although, he might gave you the information in a good faith that they are correct. Or, a deceiver might have supplied wrong information intentionally. Using of two simulations and trust reputation per information source let you to protect yourself from such errors.
Another possible source of error is your wrong interpretation of what have happened. The reference value and rollback allow you to deal even with such error. Just remember that you work with a time-compression.
But... what if she just plays indicators of positive interest level? Giving a watch-list, I'd just give them more detailed list of what to play to imitate the positive interest level. And we would be right back on the start. Luckily, although it is possible to forge the indicators, forging some of them is in a direct violation with deceiver's true intentions. Deceiver wants something – sex, money or it is something else. When someone really cares about you, he can do things he does not profit from. This is not deceiver's plan and therefore deceiver keeps his expenses at lowest needed minimum. He will try to deceive you by hiding his true goals. For instance, relationship will be declared as the official goal, while something pretty much else will take place – e.g. asking for money. Attempts for a comfortable relationship fail, once you try it with a deceiver. If you see this, remind yourself that there are no victims, just volunteers.
Nobody's perfect and even the best of deceivers will make a mistake eventually [109]. It is up to each of us, whether we will overlook it, or not.
However, the worst thing is, when you interpret events, which have not happened. Only a sane mind can prevent his.
Men become superstitious, not because they have too much imagination, but because they are not aware that they have any.
George Santayana
Importance of Math Model
What I've described, it is possible to do it intuitively to some degree. So, why should we need the math model? We need it because it gives us an independent view without a psychological bias. Because of feelings, people don't want to see particular things. It is possible to deceive human mind with a number of psychological tricks [84, 89, 90, 96, 97, 99, 100, 101, 102, 103, 104, 105, 106, 107, 109]. The math model has no feelings and therefore it is immune against such manipulation.
Prohibit the taking of omens, and do away with superstitious doubts. Then, until death itself comes, no calamity need be feared.
Sun Tzu
Take it as a sign of quality. I don't give you some well-formed, nicely looking sentences and a number of testimonies, which could have been forged pretty easily. No. I give you a tool, so that each of you can independently and objectively verify what I say.
Which one of Interest Levels?
Intuitively, we could assume that the more efficient the strategy is, the more it is likely that she would like to stay with you over two months. The catch is that the longer you stay together, goals, attitude and thinking compatibility gain on importance.
See "Dating Is a Game" article – if the strategy is successful, she wants to stay with you. And if you are together for several years, it looks like you can keep her. However, since there are divorces even under such conditions, it is not possible to guarantee lasting relationship just by staying together for some minimum period. The error is that people do not differentiate between personal and relationship interest levels.
Miss Right with positive interest level, and of adequate age, will take you into her long-term plans, which contain marital domicile and children. Miss Right will do it because of her positive personal and relationship interest levels. The problem is that other types of women can do it as well, while not having positive personal interest level in you.
If you want her with positive personal interest level, avoid women, which do not want to be with you just because of your personality and look, and never take back your ex. With ex, personal interest level of one of you either got under the zero, or the reasons for breakup still remain [2]. If you don't have her with personal interest level, do not wonder if she would prefer another man. You've asked for it.
The situation gets more complex, if she just said no as you approached her. If she is loyal and she was in a relationship at that moment, it could have been the damping factor – see Equation of interest level motion. OK everybody, just don't start making illusions that rejection does not matter. For a long-term relationship with Miss Right, you need both her interest levels to be positive. As you evaluate her interest level, take care which one you actually evaluate.
Let us show it on an example. Somehow, you managed to get a phone number of a woman in a relationship. And you want to take her over the relationship. So, you are nice to her, full of humor and time to time you send her SMS in the evening as you are being lead by the idea that her partner will not take it calmly. But you will stay calm all the time, because you are about to show her that you are better than her present partner. I'll make it short now... with this "I'm always here for you", you just show her that she does not need to respect you. So, if you manage to succeed with such tactics, you have her positive interest level. But the relationship interest level, not the personal interest level. If you are there for her no matter what, then she won't respect you for being a pushover.
You date her Interest Level; you marry her attitude.
DocLove
Learning Costs
On could argue that it is not possible to get advertised results, while we have not mastered the method yet. Regrettably, such arguments result into defending of non-functioning strategies. One can always surrender to such fallacy that it will happen someday and the positive results will come.
Luckily to us, there is percent occurrence. Thus, you know the probability of having at least one date. Of course, if you don't manage to lower her interest level right during the first contact. But this won't happen, if efficiency of your strategy is over 50%. In such case, there will be an improvement.
Time needed to achieve long-term relationship differs with personal experience, knowledge, learning capabilities and number of approached women. But the improvement will be measurable. First, the ratio of having dates with women with positive personal interest level in you will grow. Next, the ratio of having dates with just one woman with positive interest level in you will grow.
Perhaps, I should state some maximum limit. Well, let me put it this way. If you are not an asocial individual, but you have e.g. zero experience and your head is full romantic wishes, then it is possible to start getting two dates with the same women in 3 months, if you manage to approach one woman per working day. It is important to set the maximum limit so you don't waste your time and efforts onto something, what does not work, although it has a persuasive presentation that tells the opposite [47, 84, 96]. Leaving out her attitude, Thirty Factor [2] says that 3 out of 30 will have positive interest level. This makes 9 dates in 3 months. And if you can learn fast enough from your mistakes, at least one of those 3 Misses Right should want to see you at least once more.
Having two dates with one woman in 3 months does not look like something great. OK, then. Just remember that this assessment has been done for people, who have a real problem with dating. And they should get those 9 dates just because of number of approached women. Therefore, there's the condition of having two dates with one woman. To her, going to second date because of positive interest level means that she has not lost it during the first date. And this is the problem of some people. Sometimes, it is enough just to stop making the most affecting errors. I cannot say always instead of sometimes because of self-confidence issue. So, the problem is solvable, although I won't claim this possibility for everybody.
Remember, it is impossible to help everybody. And when you mix The Theory of Interest with something pleasant for your ego, yet erroneous, do not wonder that you don't get the advertised results. Anyway, statistics and measuring her interest level will confirm this.
Sometimes, it seems to me that people master the necessary foundations thanks to The Theory of Interest. Yet, they start trying erroneous procedures then, while omitting that their success goes from the foundations – the reason why they still go over 51% with entire efficiency. If something particular did not work, human mind tends to forget related evidence because of viewed overall success [84].
I'm my own enemy
Yngwie Malmsteen
Feelings
Does it seem to you that I've thrown all the feelings overboard, set hard limits and everybody, who does not fit, must go? No. The given computation of interest level estimation just characterizes the actual behavior. If you really care about somebody, you don't have to worry, because you will pass. But if you try to keep somebody, who does not like you for real, then you can find it out quickly. Cynically, I just add that this still does not have to be enough to let him go. But that's entirely your problem...
The power of accurate observation is often called cynicism by those, who have not got it.
George Bernard Shaw
Once the claims match reality,
it is possible to use math.
Just to add a small notice to fellow ladies, remember that real man won't start blabbering how much he loves you. Than to words, look at his actions.
- Background
- A Little Bit of Math
- Possible Progress of Interest Level
- Math Proof
- Implications
- Use
- Some More Examples from the Field
- Crash & Burn
One late night, our group started to move from one bar to another. While paying, I noticed a hot babe that came accompanied by three guys of approximately her age. Subsequently, two of them disappeared, perhaps to men's room. At that time, I was no longer able to think so there was no way how to fear the possibility of rejection. I smiled at her, she smiled back. I sat beside her.
"Alone?"
"Yeah, sometimes it happens."
"Well, we should do something about it then."
Smile.
A specific offer followed, then its confirmation and finally, we said goodbye. It took just few tens of seconds, and long time before The Theory of Interest came to existence and long time before I even learned about The System [2].
Perhaps, anyone, who goes successfully by any procedure, sometimes encountered notably better results than usually. Putting aside cases such as her playing a role for her own goals, or interest level so high that we could not loose, we have something, what has not been explained yet. One of its names is "fool's mate", because nobody really knows, what actually happened. Sure, there are some explanations such as extremely strong frame*, pretty much self-confident, etc. However, everybody with enough of practice and knowledge knows that it's rather a self-deception than a holding explanation.
There is no known explanation that you could see right at the first analysis, unless you already know it. And I found it after I've enriched The Theory of Interest with sufficient amount of math.
* Frame is a term of so-called neuro-lingvistic programming. Standalone, it would provide enough material for its own article, and therefore I say it right and straight – in reality, it does not work [96, 97].
Background
Let us start with an explanation of method's name – Scramjet. Whoever recognized a type of supersonic combustion [92] was right. Whoever flew on holiday by a jet might have noticed a turbine at jet's engine. The turbine drives air into the engine – air compression. Scramjet has no moving parts, which could fail. The air compression happens because of high speed and a cone inside the engine. Result is a simpler engine with much higher maximum speed. From military point of view, it's no way stealth. Yet, it is no problem because of the achievable speed. In dating, it is a principally simple method that can raise Miss Right's personal interest level rapidly. She will do part of the job so that "gain to costs" ratio gets more profitable for you. However, in reality it is not that easy, because...
Everything worth keeping has its price. As Scramjet starts working from Mach 5, her interest level must rise with some minimum speed as well. Another required condition is a suitable fuel – Miss Right. You need to provide both.
Showing it on an example, let her know, what you are going to do and what her response will be. Just beware of this, you have to do it then and she has to respond accordingly to your prediction. Otherwise you lower her interest level. Since her interest level grows with some minimum speed, she will cooperate and therefore be willing to give you the credit for correct prediction – i.e. she does part of your job, which is the effect we seek. However, if you would like to control the effect, it can not be said so simply. You would never learn when you got the minimum required speed and to shut down not to overload the engine.
A Little Bit of Math
Speaking of timing, we actually don't have to go for a specific time units, or event that would say when. For the moment and without explanation why, let us use a fractal [93]. Fractal is a fragmented geometric shape and each of its part is roughly self-similar to the entire shape. Koch's snow flake is ideal for our purpose.
Instead of line, we use it for a hysteresis curve [94]. The curve determines a delayed reaction on external effects. In our case, on the effort to raise her interest level. Particularly, you can understand this curve as a possible progress of her interest level increase, if you do everything right in the given interval.
Two hysteresis curves give so-called hysteresis loop. The loop shows a progress of the interest level change – raise and descent.
Usually, the loop is preferred, because the change is not just a function of time. It depends on invested resources as well – i.e. efforts to raise her interest level in our case. However, let us draw just the curve as a function of time. Then, we get a possible progress of interest level, when she fell for him at first, but he did so many mistakes after that that he send her interest level under the point of no return.
Possible Progress of Interest Level
And now, we finally got to the previously introduced fractal. In the following figure, notice as it is possible to split the blue hysteresis curve at indexes 0 – 5 and 4 – 7 into two curves.
If we would zoom any depicted curve close enough, we would get a combination of up and down going curves no matter what procedure we used to approach the girl.
The figure depicts a possible interest level progress for five possible strategies. Time is given in indexes, when the interest level was sampled. Thanks to fractals, we do not have to give particular time values as the developments are self-similar.
Educated as well as non-educated persons do not have well mastered body language, so they have worse starting conditions than others. However, educated one has read some advices so he avoided biggest mistakes at least. He was successful when compared to non-educated one.
If somebody tries to go by some procedure, but not The Theory of Interest (TI), he does even better than the educated one. However, as he tries to get Miss Right, there are mistakes anyway. Yet, he does relatively well in the overall effect. The figure depicts interest level progress during first contact. As we can see there, he can do even better than TI at some moments. Nevertheless, a conservative TI approach eliminates mistakes (for some price, of course) and therefore it gets better final result.
Scramjet uses the same techniques as the conservative approach does. However, it has better timing. This possibility is given by knowing the interest level progress. Having some minimum speed of interest level increase, or its minimum acceleration, it is possible to estimate the future interest level if there will be neither failure nor any other action.
Going back to the example, the estimation presents how much confident statement we can do. Such statement would work as a prediction of her interest level in us. Predicted interest level has to lie above the estimated value. Difference between the estimated and predicted values affects how much credit she will give us as a bonus, if the prediction will come true. The greater the difference is the greater probability of failure and subsequent interest level decrease. If the difference is small, she won't find anything intriguing about the prediction and it might even start to bore her. Thus, it might lower her interest level. The point is that you should learn by practice, how much you can push your prediction luck with your knowledge – i.e. to minimize the risk.
If Scramjet's application was successful, her interest level rose at least at the predicted level.
Math Proof
I explicitly say that the interest level prediction technique is only an application of Scramjet. It gave him the name and mainly it allowed identification of the hysteresis curve and rapid increase of her interest level. The real trick, the way Scramjet works, is encoded within the following math proof.
We have to realize that the hysteresis curve describes an effect of some action. It means that you cannot interrupt it, you can shorten it only. When you start with an action right after another one that just started to raise her interest level, you start new hysteresis curve and therefore you forced a change over the curves. In other words, you forced the speed of her interest level increase to slow down in order to try to increase it with another action. If you would wait instead, it would rose anyway.
Perhaps, several actions could be performed simultaneously. For instance, to tell her a joke under a beach umbrella with a colorful cocktail that lies on a nearby table. And then, a superposition could take the place.
How many actions is she able to evaluate simultaneously without a forced change over two hysteresis curves? Let us consider a speed of evaluation of simultaneously performing actions and let us consider that this speed converges to infinity slower than the speed, at which she is exposed to individual actions. Thanks to speeds of these convergences, we can use just one string. Let all actions comply with +IL++ and let their number grow to infinity.
Then, the length of each hysteresis curve goes to zero from the right as well as speed of her interest level increase goes to zero from the right. This is the proof that less number of performed actions might be more successful than a greater number of performed actions.
As a paradox, it proves that a man knowing just few tricks could be more successful than so-called seduction artist knowing countless number of routines, openers and god knows what else kind of procedures. Most of the population achieved positive RIL and it does not care about such procedures as a whole. Even I did not care about them, when I exercised right the first example.
It is possible to limit the number of actions by a fixed number. In such case, we could start discussing a probability of which speed action performing is optimal and yet we would not guarantee optimal results. Scramjet as adaptive method derives the number of actions per time interval from the observed interest level change. And for this reason, it can achieve a greater interest level increase even with a small number of actions against a case, where a routine goes immediately after previous routine.
{IL++ | IL--}+ is left upon a kind reader.
Implications
First implication is the need of continuous interest level increase. For this reason, it won't work on mercenaries and similar people, because their interest level might change steeply. For example by showing bank account listing. As we saw in "Equation of Interest Level Motion", we do not have 100% efficiency even with Miss Right. Therefore, it is better to consider minimum needed acceleration of interest level increase than to consider its minimal needed speed. Unlike the speed, the acceleration is capable of compensation for small stepped regions on the hysteresis curve. Theoretically, we can assume another type of woman than Miss Right, for which the Scramjet will be effective as well. It is just a matter of continuity.Second implication is the impossibility of reaching the top limit. If she already loves you at 100%, what will happen if next actions are supposed to increase her interest level? In the reduced state space from "Dating Is a Game", it will stay at 100%. However, we talk about continuous, phase space here. Therefore, you will just reach the limit from the left. It means that you can do everything right and her interest level will still grow. However, the greater it is, the smaller bounds are within which it will increase. Simply said, her interest level cannot grow to infinity.
Of course, 100% goes for the top limit only if you have not lowered it previously. For instance by discovered adultery.
Third implication is the fact that most suitable time, when to apply Scramjet, is so-called entering knee (B), when the acceleration is big enough and therefore it is possible to generate maximum gain. Beginning of the entering edge (C) identifies time, when it is profitable to stop. Aka when it's much of a good thing. At this phase, we should wait until there is sufficient acceleration (A) again.
Fourth implication has a fundamental impact on evaluating the interest level. From the equation of interest level motion, we already know that interest level is never considered to have zero value. And now, we see that the interest level always changes. Even if it should be infinitely small increment that we are not able to measure. For example, when you wait for circa week before you call her and she thinks of why you have not called yet.
Use
"Are you trying to seduce me?"
"Yes."
"And how do you know that I'll let you?"
- Sufficient interest level increase: "Because you are a big girl and you know, what you are doing."
"And what am I doing?"
"You're talking to a man, who's gonna ask for your phone number :-)"- Insufficient interest level increase: "I don't know that :-)"
Scramjet uses the same actions as conservative approach does [2, 3]. However, Scramjet says what the optimal timing for them is. To use Scramjet, you need to understand the math model. Otherwise, you will just use known procedures, which might increase her interest level, but at a slower rate.
The question is when to use Scramjet. Minimum needed speed of her interest level increase is given by your capabilities. You need to test yourselves in the field, to known your minimum speed and how much confident prediction you can do.
When you should stop, i.e. to slow down, it is given by the hysteresis curve's shape.
And now, it would be handy to give some more examples. They are not here because of following reasons:
- This article is publicly accessible and distributed. For sure, there would be some smart guys (with a sky-high meaning of them) that would not even try to understand it. On the other hand, they would not hesitate to run into streets and use given examples massively. Regrettably, with already known chances. When she recognizes that you’ve used the same procedure, you’ll get the same, low opinion as they did. Your innocence would not matter.
And it was documented several times [35, 95] that women are able to recognize it. By this, you’ve been strongly warned on parroting someone else’s sentences. For this reason, I explicitly say that the introducing opener of this article has not been presented in its original form. However, I left example from this section intact. Who understand this article, understand why;-) - Authorship and copyright. I’ll save my time as there won’t be so many texts, where parts of my articles appear without giving me the deserved credit. This is a reason for having the math at such degree in The Theory of Interest. Who can understand, cites and is able to find the original source, even if he reads a stolen copy. Why did I give Scramjet’s explanation in a form of a math proof? ;-)
- Stealth Opener. When using sentences you have not identified with, there will a deviation from the rest of your body language. Just remember truthsayer [4]. The greater the deviation is, the more apparent it becomes and the more it lowers her interest level. They don’t want you to be yourself for nothing. Yes, if she is interested, she helps. But she won’t overlook anything for this.
As long as you are authors of used sentences, there’s no deviation and you’re fine (of course, unless you do another error).
If you have understood the math proof, you have a stealth method at your disposal. She is not able to detect it reliably. She can only tell if there are its signs. And only if she knows what to look for.
Some More Examples from the Field
We can start with e.g. circa week pause before calling. Beside obvious benefits of this waiting, it respects the optimal timing (given by the hysteresis curve) as well. You get her interested so much, that she gives you phone number. That was the entering edge of rapid interest level increase. And then, do not push it. Give her some time. And that’s the change over two hysteresis curves, when the interest level increases slowly, so it can increase rapidly as we demonstrate our self-confidence by calling her (not sending a text message).
A similar effect could be seen e.g. with clairvoyant client, when a wild guess (bluff) matched the reality. A client inclined to believe in her psychic abilities will cling to this belief even harder. Some of you might recall a Cold Reading trick, when you should guess 7 as a number she thinks of. Be extremely careful here. She might figure out the trick pretty easy and test you much harder. This is an effect of slowing the interest level increase.
AMOG as an action means taking out a rival out of the game [35]. Sometimes, it is said that the woman was already so aroused that AMOG winner had less work to do as his predecessor made the work for him. Well, let’s just leave actual probability of such explanation being valid aside. In reality, we predicted that she will be more satisfied with us and she want to see, whether we will stand up to the prediction.
And how about being nice and bad as necessary? Never heard of it? I guess you did. In fact, it is about a particular application of limiting the offer to increase the demand. This is a part of Challenge [2] and later it was re-published as a part of escalation, e.g. Push/Pull [35]. In proverbial two steps forward you get her accustomed to the interest level, which you’ll take back with the third step. It is nothing but manipulation. As you supply something and then you artificially limit its volume, the demand will grow temporarily, until the volume is restored or alternative solution is found. Outside the seduction world, just think a little bit about petroleum. However, since it’s just a manipulation, you might have noticed that the final effect depends on how far you’ve stepped back – artificial supply limit.
The problem is that you operate just with the proverbial steps. There’s nowhere said how exactly many steps it takes and how far you can go. Optimal timing means to adhere to curve’s shape as Scramjet has shown. Altogether with the ability to determine the speed of interest level increase, you have a formula for timing your actions. Optimally, you limit nothing. You just do not trick her all the time.
Moreover, manipulation usually does not lead to a long-term, satisfying relationship [109]. Notice that on contrary to manipulation, Scramjet acts as a catalyst to accelerate what would happen anyway, but at a slower pace.
Crash & Burn
You see a girl you don’t know and she doesn’t know you as well. You approach and with self-confidence and appropriate body language, you say to her: “Today is your lucky day as I’m single at the moment”. Being Elvis Presley, whom his reputation foregoes, chances for success would be fairly great. However, you are not Elvis and field-tested results go from success to mocking. Why?
It takes her 10 seconds to evaluate your physical appearance. But the approach takes place sooner, before she can finish the evaluation. As she has never met you before, there is no initial interest level. Therefore, you start somewhere between a limit that goes to zero from the right and a limit that goes to maximum interest level from the left. In such case, she always starts by evaluating your physical appearance and that’s the only thing that makes her interest level at the moment. And then, an interrupt in the form of an opener came:
- If you do not attract her, her personal interest level goes under the zero, no matter what you do or say. You’ll never get it into positive numbers.
- You might attract her, but the interest level does not increase fast enough to handle given opener. She will consider you as a selfish bighead and her personal interest level will fall into negative numbers. Just be aware, things might look differently when devilish puss gets bored;-)
- You attract her so much that her interest level increases fast enough to consider you as endearingly perky and she’ll give you extra credit for that – Scramjet.
If you require a greater degree of your physical attractiveness to her, than it is actually needed, feel free to use such openers. Some women will be some more tolerable to your faults because of this. However, it does not matter with Miss Right. You cannot expect her to sacrifice her self-esteem to your appearance. For this reason, it is contra-productive to use such openers as long as you are after Miss Right. It is just an unnecessary harm. In vain, you will disqualify even those who would have positive interest level otherwise – i.e. those who would found you physically attractive anyway.
Scramjet is such timing of actions,
which display your positive interest level,
yet they do not lower hers.
Picture: Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell in the Overboard movie.
Not every listed abbreviation is directly used in The Theory of Interest. Yet, they are in use in various discussions about the theory itself, or where the theory is used to address a particular problem. The given list states official abbreviations only.
| 1 - 10 | Rating of woman’s attractiveness. The greater value, the more attractive she is. If there’s a prefix (UG – Ugly Girl, NG – Normal Girl, HB – Hot Babe, SHB – Super Hot Babe), it is a rating in the eyes of a wide audience. The rating is always subjective, when given by single person only. It is only about the look, as it does not cover her attitude. |
| 0% - 100% | Interest Level accordingly to The System [2]. ILTS = (ILTI+100)*0.5 for ILTS>=40% |
| -100% - 100% | Interest Level accordingly to The Theory of Interest. ILTI = ILTS*2-100 for ILTS>=40% |
| IL | Interest Level |
| PIL | Personal Interest Level in a particular person |
| RIL | Relationship Interest Level in a relationship with a particular person |
| msR | Miss Right |
| msW | Miss Wrong (choice) |
| TS | The System |
| TI aka TZ | The Theory of Interest (Teorie Zájmu in Czech) |
Interest Level Postfix
+ | Interest Level is in positive numbers after an action |
++ | Interest Level increased after an action |
- | Interest Level is in negative numbers after an action |
-- | Interest Level decreased after an action |
Interest Level Prefix
+ | Interest Level was in positive numbers prior an action |
++ | Interest Level increased prior an action |
- | Interest Level was in negative numbers prior an action |
-- | Interest Level decreased prior an action |
The action might be understood as a particular time point. To say that her interest level is in positive numbers, we write IL>0, or +IL without giving any specification about change’s time point. Literally, it is "Positive Interest Level", ie. +IL.
To say that interest level increased by some difference, ΔIL from IL' to IL, we write IL = IL' + ΔIL and + symbol neither stands for prefix nor postfix. To use it as a postfix, or prefix, use brackets. For instance, (IL+) = (+IL) + ΔIL. Notice that += might stand for add and assign operation, e.g. in [85]. If we are not concerned about ΔIL, then it is sufficient to write IL++, eventually +IL++. To send her interest level below the point of no return, i.e. zero, it means to write +IL-- → IL-.
Yes, Theory of Interest uses Temporal Logic [86, 87]. Perhaps, the most famous invariant could be written as following: -PIL → PIL-.
It is not obligatory to use abbreviations,
and bear in mind that not everybody
would understand them without a proper comment,
especially the TI++ syntax.
Once upon a time, they discovered the body language [40, 41, 42, 43] that comprises of negative and positive signals. It did not take long and some have drawn a conclusion – the more positive signals you see, the more interested she is. But, what does it mean to be interested? Let us follow the definition introduced by The System [2] and followed by The Theory of Interest – it is a degree, how much she wants to stay with you. You can see a lot of positive signals and she can have a high interest level. However, she can reject you as well, although she is single at the time.
The observed signals tell, how much she feels comfortable with you. The less comfortable she feels, the more her interest level drops. The more comfortable she is, the more her interest level can rise. And because she must find you physically attractive, for the high interest level to exist (required, but not sufficient condition), the higher interest level is, the more positive signals you’ll see. However, you can receive some positive signals by women, which have low interest level. Her real personal interest level has to be judged by her actions towards you. For instance, did she give you her phone number without a hesitation?
Consider 17% as a number of women of all women you met, and which you tried to seduce as they flirted with you, i.e. you saw positive signals, and the success ratio was 60%. If you asked for the phone number regardless of flirting, the success ratio was 33%. Thus, if you’d ask only those, who flirt with you, you need 10 women like them to get just one number (0.17*0.60). If you’d ask them all, then you would have three numbers. However, some women cannot say no to your face and therefore they give you the phone number anyway. And it is also true that woman can flirt without being serious/having high interest level. Thus, if one of those 10 women would have high interest level, it might not be necessarily the one, who flirted.
As you approach her, it might happen sometimes that her interest level will be too high, so “she won’t wreck it” and you’ll see no positive signals. Or, her flirting would be of so low intensity that you won’t notice any positive signal [2]. As you don’t see positive signals, it does not mean that you have no chance. All you have to do is to ask for her phone number. She won’t shoot you for this. Well, if she’s sane;-)
Your goal is to raise her interest level and you can do that only if she feels comfortable with you. Frequency and type of observed signals is a feedback on how well you are doing. Her behavior reveals if it is OK, or if you should change the method you’re trying.
On a successful date, there must be positive signals. The more is the better. Your goal is an interest level that is higher after the date, than it was before the date. On the first date, you want at least one purposeful touch from her – try to kiss her at the end; not flinching away counts.
Just for completeness, the best way to observe the signals is to sit at opposite sides of table. Moreover, if she would like to touch you, she has to shove on and this raises her interest level. As you’ll see in the following text, there are other reasons for this as well.
And now, let us discuss the signals. Most of them go for both sexes (you can find the following text on the Internet, without an author – it is the common knowledge of the Body Language).
Lips
- Big smile with upper and lower teeth showing.
- Sincere smile involves a contraction of eye-surrounding muscle (m.zyg.maj. and orb.ocul.).
- Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth.
- She wets her lips; some women use only a single-lip lick, wetting the upper or lower lip, while others run the tongue around the entire lip area.
- She puts her fingernail between her teeth.
- She protrudes her lips and thrust her breasts forward.
Eyes
- She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated.
- She raises both eyebrows exaggeratedly for a couple of seconds; this is often combined with a smile and some eye contact.
- She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.
- While talking to you, she blinks more than usual, fluttering her eyelashes.
- Eyebrows raised and then lowered, and then a smile indicates interest in you.
Hair
- She pushes her fingers through her hair. This can be one hand movement or more of a stroking motion.
- She twirls her hair around her fingers while she is looking at you.
- She is throwing her hair back off her shoulders.
Clothing
- If she is wearing clothes that show her nipples underneath and you notice they are getting perky and erect.
- The hem goes up to expose a little more leg.
- She is fixing, patting or smoothing her outfit to make herself look better.
While Seated
- She moves in time to the music, with her eyes on you.
- She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.
- She is sitting with her legs open.
- She sits with her legs crossed in a manner to reveal her thigh.
- Her legs are rubbing against each other.
- Her legs are rubbing against the leg of the table.
- Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.
Hands
- She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.
- While talking to you, she rests an elbow in the palm of one hand, while holding out her other hand, palm up.
- She rubs her wrists up and down.
- She sits with one hand touching one of her breasts.
- She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her relating in some way.
- She is fondling keys, sliding hands up and down a glass, playing with toys or other things on the table.
- She plays with her jewellery, especially with stroking and pulling motions.
- She touches your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand while talking to you.
Voice
- She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.
- She speeds up or slows down her speaking to match yours.
- She laughs in unison with you.
- In a crowd she speaks only to you and focuses all of her undivided attention on you.
Miscellaneous
- She mirrors your body language and body positions.
- Her skin tone becomes red while being around you.
- She blows smoke straight out from between her lips and toward you.
- She leans over and speaks into her friend's ear, just like in junior high school.
- She is standing with her head cocked slightly at an angle, one foot behind the other, hips slightly thrust forward.
- At a party - every once in a while she seems to appear out of nowhere in your vicinity and if you move to another spot, soon she appears out of nowhere again, you catch her glancing in your general direction, she bumps into you… accidentally, touches you... accidentally etc...
- She is pretending to look at her watch as you pass her.
Generally, if she is interested, you can find her in your presence, she won’t look bored and you’ll even have a chat. And have you noticed as women in love do not suffer from headaches?
Above listed signals are the common ones, which indicate that you are on the right way in the context of a date. To complement them, it is being said that during a personal meeting: visual component takes 55% of entire message, 38% goes for the voice and the rest 7% are communicated through the words. However, 38+7+55=100 was not proven in a single experiment. In addition, putative accidents have some weight as well as they usually have a secret meaning. Did she rub her leg against yours accidentally under the table?
Let us consider the given percentages as ratios of signal types per a given time unit. Therefore, you can give an exact meaning to your words just by using proper words, for instance with sms.
7% Words
- Use words she can understand.
- There is no point in having a huge story with a point so complex that the explanation will take eternity.
- Avoid excessive use of technical and scientific terms.
- Avoid depressive and un-attractive themes. To speak about another woman is even less attractive than having a speech on the global warming.
- Displaying your shortcomings means to praise others – originally by Seneca, dating modification by SomeoneCZ.
38% Voice
- Do not speak monotone – high pitch for action, low pitch for somber moments.
- Stress different meanings of words with a modulation and speed of your voice.
- Fast rate goes for action, slow rate, without pauses such as e, ehm, etc., is viewed as sincere.
- Learn to articulate properly.
- Improve the quality with resonance – as if you would like to yawn, but talk (no yawning, of course;-)
55% Visual
- Stand erect, yet relaxed and slightly astride.
- Yes, she has fantastic breasts, yet look in her eyes.
- Use gestures; their size has to be related to the size of an object in speech, e.g. small for flowers and watch out for an elephant in a coffee bar. Small gestures will not be seen well in front of many auditors.
- Do not look neutral, use face to express emotions, which match words.
- Always try to look sincere, yet adequately.
- Do not use anything as a cheat sheet – the loss of eye contact cuts you down on sincerity and you’ll look less self-confident.
Stance
- People stand more directly towards somebody with higher status.
- People have tendency to lean sideway, when communicating with somebody of lower status than with somebody of higher status.
- Open stance means to have knees apart, with legs stretched out, elbows away from body, hands not touching and legs not crossing.
- People with the open stance are viewed more positively than people with closed stance.
- Leaning back means a dislike, slight forward lean means sympathy or a threat – it depends on a situation.
- If she dislikes your presence, she backs, or tries to get out of your presence in other way – e.g. if she is classy, she might try to force you back with a playful-alike gesture. Such touch is not a positive signal of interest.
Manipulation
- The same gestures signal that you understand each other; the same goes for nodding that matches the meaning of words.
- If your counterpart mirrors your behavior, one of options is a possibility that you are being manipulated to think that you understand each other.
- While answering personal and intimate questions, when there’s a close distance between you, self-touching indicates a possibility that you’re being manipulated.
- Vertical moves with hands evoke feeling of a good relationship between you.
- Some try to manipulate women with inadvertently casual-alike touches on her body. For some reason, they believe that if they start touching her, it will make her somehow to start to reciprocate.
Distance
| Distance | Kind of Meeting | Optimal Volume |
| 20 – 30cm | Highly personal | Audible whisper |
| 30 – 90cm | Most of personal meetings | Soft voice |
| 90 – 150cm | Group meetings | Full voice |
| 150 – 250cm | Formal meetings | Slightly loud voice |
Immediately at the first contact, standing face to face to a woman and closer than 30cm, if there’s no other option, means to lower her interest level. If she does not step back, there’s nowhere to step back, or her manners and self-control took over and so she beard the hawbuck. A man that stands in such manner on a purpose has a big problem to control his ego to see that this is pleasant for him only. In dependence on a situation, it might be viewed as a threat as well – even subconsciously.
Gestures to Avoid
| Gesture | Interpretation |
| Hair twirling | Incompetence or uncertainty |
| Hand in front of mouth | Anxiety because of uncertainty |
| Rubbing an arm or a leg | Anxiety because of incompetence, or uncertainty |
| Wringing hands, rubbing fingers | Anxiety, uncertainty or nervousness |
| Slumped posture | Boredom or alienation |
I just hope that I don’t have to stress other gestures such as nostril exploration.
Kino
One of most popular dating half-truths is a superstition that you have to touch woman right during a first contact, the first date.
Some could argue that it makes sense. But I say that astrology makes sense as well, yet it does not work at all. Some could oppose that it would work, just if all advices were followed. And I say that it might work, but on a completely different principle. Some might ask what is right then. And therefore, I’ll analyze it for you.
Any way you try to raise her interest level presents a filter that not all women would pass through.
Do you both look for one night stand? Well, then it makes no sense to wait as chances, to succeed with a woman wanting the same, are high. But, what if you would like her for a long-term relationship? In such case, it is very reasonable to know, how much she likes you. And how do you find out? Easily. Keep your hands for yourself and let her to shove on. Show her you’re the prize and raise her interest this way. For this very reason, you sit her at the opposite side of a desk at your first date. People do not tend to throw away the stuff they had to earn.
Only she knows when she is comfortable enough to touch. You guess only and a badly-timed touch lowers interest level. Let her begin and you’ll know it for sure. If you are so eager to touch her, help her into a coat, or dance the tango.
Amateur rushes a way too fast and takes the joy of a hunt away from her. Successful hunter does not run after a game, but he rather waits, until the prey approaches.
Do I hear that she won’t touch you on a date otherwise? Perhaps, you are not as good to her as you think you are. Perhaps, you are not able to correctly assess her real personal interest level in you. And so you go on a date with a woman that does not like you enough, but you are flattered in a subjective thinking how much she likes you. Ego is your Achilles heel.
Men’s egos never allow them to think that a woman would go out if she felt indifferent toward him – i.e. had 49% IL or lower. The sin here, guys, is that you would never consider this scenario, even as a possibility – DocLove.
Evaluating long-term relationship candidates means to pass only those, who have interest high enough, so you can build on it.
Some are scared just by the thought, what would they do, if she would act the same way. And some are near to faint by the idea that she would know their battle plan and tactic beforehand. All these guys do not use their brain to its full potential. Otherwise, they would be aware that the kiss at the end of the date will reveal their physical attractiveness to her. Until that, you keep back and watch how far she will go because of high interest level [2]. And the next time, the second date, you know that your touches will be comfortable for her.
Picture: Some Like It Hot movie poster.
If she has to go out on a date with you, she must be interested enough to do so. If she has to kiss you, there must be enough of her interest for the kiss to happen. If she has to stay with you in a long-term relationship, she must be interested in doing so and she must be interested in you as well.
If you do not understand, why she does not return your phone calls, why she committed adultery, why she flinched from your kiss, why she has a headache, why she ignores you, or why she rejected you, you do not understand the role of interest level and you don’t know, how it relates to her attitude. And therefore, keep reading;-)
Popular, yet totally aberrant myth says that no two women are the same. Sure, none is 100% identical when it comes to her ideas, opinions, experiences, etc. Yet, they have something in common. And how do we know what is that? We use a testing technique called Black Box [32, 33]. We give her some inputs and evaluate the output. Once we have enough of information, we can postulate a theory on how it looks inside. Technically speaking, woman is a sequential automaton with a non-trivial logic. Getting all the required information takes several years, so I take the luxury of giving you just the results - with taken of The System [2] too. Each of you can verify their correctness in a practice.
As a simplifying condition, I assume clinically sane woman as [2] does.
Personal Interest Level vs. Relationship Interest Level
Consider the predicate logic and try to answer this question: does she love me? Or better, does she want to stay with me? The answer will be either yes (1), or no (0). And now, try to consider the fuzzy logic. The answer will be in the range of 0 – 1; i.e. 0% – 100%. And we have the same rating as used by The System [2]. However, we will expand it.
First and key mistake is to consider personal and relationship interest levels as the same. This is not true. Although they are connected, they are two different quantities. Another mistake is to automatically consider a relationship as a long-term one. One night stand is a kind of a relationship as well. I’ll talk about the relationship interest level later, now I’ll talk about the personal interest level.
Point of no return, H, F, I and L represent particular thresholds, which determine states she can take against you. As I’ll stress later, interest is a non-linear function. Thus, efforts to raise the interest level by e.g. 5% are not the same for 51% and 65% as starting positions. It is important to realize that we can order the states and define rules for transitions between neighbor states. Threshold numbers were given by an assessment, based on statistics. To quote sergeant Colon, letters are for people who do not know how to count with real numbers.
- <-100%, -75%) – Hate: At this level, you cannot stand the other person in the same room, so there’s no possibility of having a relationship (worth lasting).
- <-75%, -25%) – Impassivity: Well, you can withstand the other person in the same room, but you completely don’t care about him/her. There’s nothing to build the relationship from.
- <-25%, 0%) – Friendship: If you have started at this level, there always will be somebody with a possibly higher priority than you have. If you have started on a higher level than this one, it is still possible that you live in an illusion of a relationship, but the relationship is already gone.
- 0 – Point of No Return: Sooner or later, you’ll have to make a decision that will clarify the interest in you. Is it in positive or negative numbers? It never will be the exact zero.
- (0%, 5%> – Hard to Read: Here, you have a real chance that she could fall in love with you someday. However, her interest level is so low that it is hard say it is in positive numbers. Therefore, it pays off to continue as it would be positive, until you encounter a clear sign of low interest level. At this level, it could take just one small mistake to loose her, i.e. to send her interest level under the point of no return. So, fames, as women do not know what they want, are born. If your relationship with Miss Right goes to hell, this is your last chance to save it. Yet, most men successfully ignore the opportunity without noticing it and fames are born again.
- (5%, 75%> – High Interest: You have not fallen in love yet, but as interest levels of both of you are high, you can start considering it as a relationship. However, she has some interest levels in other guys as well and therefore this level does not guarantee the relationship automatically even with Miss Right. If she is in love with somebody else, you are going to end as a friend. Yet possibly a friend that could became something more in time. So, once you’ll hear that you cannot be just friends with a woman, or that a friend became girlfriend, you’ll know that it is about this interest level.
- (75%, 100%> – Love: If you want to keep your partner, and his/her interest level in you got here, you’re doing fine. Even if there will be interest level in somebody else that would be higher than the one in you, it would fall down as people in love tend to put their beloved ones on pedestals. Just remember, we talk about real love – action speaks louder than thousands words. Terms such as "marriage love" are being used for interest levels, which are often below the point of no return, as they stay together because of other reasons than the positive interest level – see later.
People tend to mistakenly suppose that it is possible to love and hate the very same person. This is not true. You can love her look and hate her attitude. Or, you can love her and be mad at her for something. This is possible. As I stressed, I consider clinically sane woman;-)
As we use the Black Box technique, we don’t know how it works inside. Nevertheless, we can postulate following characteristics for the interest level:
- She has to find you physically attractive to have high interest level. No physical attraction, no interest in positive numbers.
- The interest level can go up and down. Yet, once it gets below the point of no return, it will never get back into positive numbers. Therefore you can find your ex, which would deny new relationship with you.
- The interest level is being affect by your behavior for all the time you know each other. Therefore, the point of no return means no return from negative numbers to positive ones.
- It is possible to permanently lower maximum interest level you can achieve with her. A typical example is a revealed adultery.
- Interest level does not change with a constant velocity. Mainly, at 21 old girls, +/- 2 years, you can notice that it takes a little for a significant change. This gives four years, when you want enjoy the wild ride, second puberty, call it whatever you like – in the outcome, it drastically cuts your chances for keeping her interest level high. It is not unusual that a girl in this age seeks a relationship e.g. for one year only. Until she’s at least 23 [2], take it as a fun, not as something that would last centuries to come. If you manage to keep it cool, you have better chances to keep her.
- The interest level changes because of many actions of yours. She evaluates them sequentially. Therefore, it is possible to make several mistakes consequently and have her interest level still in positive numbers. That’s the reason, why some advices are considered as good, even as they lower her interest level in fact. It always rules that the more you lower the interest level, the worse for you.
Let T be the total time for which you know each other. Then we can consider the interest level in you, Personal Interest Level, as a function:
PIL is an instantaneous value of the pil function – the interest level in you in time t, which we measure since the time she knows you. I stress that we talk about a non-linear function.
As previously stated, it is a sequential automaton. Current value of pil function depends on history – the previous values. As an example from practice, while a girlfriend in love smiles even to corny jokes, ex does not do so. The PIL makes the difference.
Next important factor is feedback. You affect interest of other person the way, you behave towards the person. This way, a feedback is established and it indicates relationship’s stability. See Measuring Interest Level article on how to take advantage of it.
Miss Right
Let us start with a simplifying condition that we consider interest level of Miss Right in having a long-term relationship with you. If you want the best, you need Miss Right with a positive interest level in you. Thus, we can say
whereRIL, Relationship Interest Level, jis an instantaneous value of the ril function, which expresses her interest level in having a long-term relationship with you. It is an analogy to personal interest level. Just be aware that only the instantaneous values are approximately the same as the functions are not identical. When speaking about a long-term relationship with Miss Right, we can abbreviate to Interest Level – IL.
The abbreviation complies with [2] and [3]. In accordance with a terminology in use:
- Interest level that is in negative numbers is called negative interest, or low interest level,
- Interest level that is in positive numbers is called positive interest, or high interest level,
- Insufficient interest level says she can still choose another man despite high interest level in you – see Damping Factor later
In [2], the Interest Level is given in boundaries from 0% to 100% with the point of no return at 50% - you can transform between both measures with a linear functions.
Even with Miss Right, we can notice that she can stay in a relationship for some time, after her personal level dropped below zero. Accordingly to the Black Box technique, than to search for a clarification, we rather introduce an Inertial Force, if, that is a function of relationship interest level through all the time you know each other.
wl (l as Personal Interest Level) and wf (f as Inertial Force) present weights – how much her personal interest level in you means to her and how much the past relationship with you means to her. For Miss Right, the present is more important than the past.
When she evaluates two men for a relationship, they would never qualify as equal. For a public, she can make some statement to verbalize fairness, so she still would look like a being objective. But for us, there is an important fact – there are no such two men that would have the same RIL for the same woman at the same time..
Other than Right
Other types of women than Miss Right are less or more close to her. With that, the weight of personal interest level changes. For example, it is zero, when it’s about a mercenary. Women are different, some are after you, some are after your money, others dream about being Mrs. Doctor since their childhood, etc. She has some Personal Trait, ptj, which are responsible for assigning particular weights, wi, to her wishes. Their combination affects the final relationship interest level; even your look has some weight. Respective weight determines importance of a particular trait within the interest level. In their maximum and minimum values, the traits have to be in ratio of their weights. This way, their values cannot grow out of bounds to unrealistic values. Mathematically written, it looks like following:
As you can see, it is possible to describe her personality with weights, which are used for decision making to achieve a particular goal. A particular set of weights in given ranges describes woman’s personality. Alias, as I shown in the “Dating Is a Game” article, you can view the entire process with numbers and compute the result. Just to get valid inputs with require precision and be able to not let emotions to take control:-) Of course, including costs and possibility to actually do the computation;-)
Competition
So far, we refined the equation of relationship interest level motion and we are just one step to finish it – we have to express the influence of your competition. To say, she has some interest levels in other men she meets, and some of these interest levels might actually be in positive numbers. For instance, you might want an engaged, loyal woman that would have higher interest in her partner, or you might want a mercenary, which would prefer the richest one.
The solution is to introduce a Damping Factor function, df, which is a function of all her interest levels in other men, when compared to you. Let df go from 0, no damping, to 1, full damping.
And that’s the entire equation of relationship interest level motion, when it comes to you. The greater number, the more she wants it. The lesser number, the more she refuses it.
Related to the relationship interest level, let us state one more important characteristic: an unexpected breakup always raise the interest level [2].
Practice
In the "Dating Is a Game" article. I've shown that a model, the one that would cover every woman, would result into a too great number of variables. And as we can see from the equation of interest level motion, it is true. In practice, it is being shown that for a significant number of women, the personal interest level has the greatest weight. Therefore, the techniques, which were developed for Miss Right, would work on a significant number of other women as well – just the efficiency would be lower. Exactly:
where w'l is weight that ideal Miss Right gives to personal interest level and a wl goes for a women that we apply the techniques on. To measure your success, the RIL is the desired metric.
For example, with a mercenary the efficiency would be pretty low. So low that she will reject you – in fact, a safety mechanism came into an effect to protect you from bad women.
With any Miss Right, the efficiency would go over 50%, because
In accordance with an evaluation of model fitness as it is described in the “Dating Is a Game” article, the given inequality presents a key, why a deviance from the model expresses either a low interest level, or that she is not Miss Right. The efficiency affects the probability of your actions raising her interest level.
Although the weights are noted as constants, they are functions as well. They change dynamically because of the way she is being raised, the society she lives in, etc. They cannot be changed forcibly as a matter of few moments as e.g. sellers of love potions and sure-fire techniques claim.
Per say, she expects a date in a nice café house with obliging personnel and funny companion, whose physical appearance she likes and therefore has positive personal interest level in him. Despite the fact it is relatively easy to met 4 points out of 5, i.e. over 50%, it is clear that her positive personal level won't survive the date, if you'll bore her to the proverbial death. The trick is that you cannot confuse efficiency of strategy and ratio of met initial conditions for a given interval.
Almost in the end, I let my self to repeat once more: if you want the best one, you want Miss Right with high relationship interest level, RIL, in you and therefore you care about her personal level in the first place – PIL.
Other Relationship than the Long-Term One
Yeah, I know. I wrote that even a one night stand is a kind of relationship. So, how would the equation of interest level look like in such case? It would be the same – only another set of weight will be used. Just don’t forget that with some women and e.g. ONS, you’ll always get negative numbers. On the other hand, some women will have a sex with you even despite having their personal interest level in the negative numbers.
she must have high interest level in you.
The described principle fits reality into such extent that you can use to express interest level of a man as well. Or you can use it to describe, why she chose red court shoes over blue gum boots. But that I leave upon an attentive reader.
Statistics will be given separately.
Image Notice: Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in Alfred Hitchcock’s Notorious movie.
